Just let me enjoy my drive!

Bad drivers bother me very much - some more than others. Here is the list in order of least to most vexing:

Bad drivers
Bad drivers who don't know they're bad drivers
Bad drivers who don't know they're bad drivers and almost hit you
Bad drivers who don't know they're bad drivers, almost hit you, then beep you
Bad drivers who don't know they're bad drivers, almost hit you, then beep you in a cowardly way as they drive past you as you are waiting to make a turn

Some people can't help but be scared of driving because they don't have enough experience or the innate skill. But if your bad driving skills lead to me almost getting hit, you should give me the wave to apologize and not beep me as if I were at fault. And if you're ignorant and choose to give me the horn, don't do it a cowardly way. This punk-arse middle-aged dude tried to come into my lane with my car beside him that he had to swerve to miss me. I forgave him in my mind and went into the left turn lane and waited for traffic to clear so I could make the turn. A few seconds later, I heard a horn and looked around to find its source. I see the dude in his van driving past me. He had to peer over his shoulder to give me "the look" because he didn't beep me until after his van passed my car. By the time I realized what had happened, it was too late for me to return my "WHAT THE HECK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, YOU COWARD" beep. It was so aggravating that my heart was pounding for the rest of my trip.

All I'm trying to do is get from point A to point B. Please let me do that in peace.

I'm (almost) always right

My last blog mentioned that "I'm pretty much right all the time". It made me think about why other people are wrong so often. Is it me or is it them?

I don't know how it all started. I think I got it from my mom. Between her and my dad, she was right the majority of the time. I will admit that she is right quite often. BUT, not as frequently as me. I have yet to meet someone who is right a greater majority of the time than I am. I'm pretty sure it would annoy the heck out of me.

It probably came about for two reasons. First, there was a subconscious competition about who would be right more of the time between my mom and I. Second, I wanted to avoid hearing the words "I told you so" because it makes you feel uber-sucky. Now that we figured out how it began, how am I so magnificently able to accomplish being right most of the time? I think it has to do with carefully selecting what I say. I'm very aware of the limits of my knowledge and if something falls outside of that realm, I'm not going to make crap up. I'd openly admit that I didn't know. And if I were to hazard a guess, I would honestly use words such as "I think" or "probably" and avoid making absolute statements. That leaves very little room for being wrong.

There's a big difference between being right many times and being right most of the time. I don't know enough about everything to be right many times. I fall in the latter category. That is probaby [moreso, hopefully] why it's not annoying when I'm right. I'm not a know-it-all [I know very very litte...but I do know entropy is always increasing i.e. delta S >0 haha]. I think being aware of my boundaries and not making fluff up are good things. I'm awesome [this is one absolute statement that I'm absolutely willing to make!].

A very belated HAPPY 26TH BIRTHDAY TO MEEEE!

Yes, I do realize I am months behind on this entry. I have been putting it off because I am lazy - quelle suprise. When I reflected on my 25th year, all I thought about were lovey dovey thoughts about Steve and I didn't want to make people puke or fall asleep by talking about them. So how do I address this problem? In true Stebanie style, I think about the less glorious events that took place in our relationship and what I learned from them. Although these lessons may still cause people to fall asleep, at least they won't be puking on their keyboards.

Lesson 1: Habits take time to change
When there are things about someone that bothers you (and vice versa) to a point that they requrie changing, it takes time for them to get to a point where the new habits are done automatically and subconsciously without fail. Although it sounds obvious - as most lessons in hindsight do - it really takes longer than you think. It's not that the actions themselves are difficult to execute, it's the change in mindset that is the major hurdle (or...for my Skule friends...the "limiting step"). While they're adopting the new thought process, try to stay positive by reminding yourself that they care enough to try to change parts of themsleves for you.

Lesson 2: People deal with stress differently
Some people would rather not deal with the stress after it reaches a certain point. They think that debating the difference in opinion adds on additional stress. I'm the opposite. I'm a very deliberate and logical thinker. I need to analyze what went wrong in the situation itself, in how I reacted, and in how I perceived cues from the other person. This takes a while because you can't make an accurate analysis until your emotions are calmed. Then you have to engage the other person in the evaluation because they were a big part of the stress stimulus. This is often difficult when the other person would rather not deal with the stress any longer. But, in my mind, I'd rather work it out now to prevent the same mistake from being made in the future, as vexing as it is. I haven't been able to figure out how to work things about between two people who deal with stress so differnetly. I guess that may be a lesson to be learned for my 26th year.

Lesson 3: It's tough not to make his stresses your own
When there are unfair things going on his life, it's hard to not make those your problems. Telling him and pushing him to fix those issues are all too easy. I've realized that this actually doubles his stresses. It's not that he doens't want to fix those problems, it's just that it's easier said than done because his hands are tied (i.e. the jerk is his friend, not yours). I think better support would be to listen and empathize. He knows what he needs to do in an ideal situation and doesn't really need to hear it from you. He just needs someone to listen to him so he can release the tension.

Lesson 4: I'm right
I'm pretty much right all the time. There's nothing wrong with that if you don't rub it in.

Just when you thought you got away from this entry without puking, I must share with you the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Me: Does it bother you when I'm right all the time?
Steve: No, because we're a team. So when you're right, we're right.

Do good luck charms really work?

I had this discussion with Melody "I heart" Chong (or Chong for short) recently and wanted to share it.

This conversation happened shortly after I started reading the book Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. In it, he makes a few points, which includes "trust your gut" and "quick judgements can be as accurate as data- and scientific-based decisions". I think good luck charms don't really give you any good luck per se, but they do boost your confidence. This confidence, in turn, allows you to be comfortable in trusting your gut rather than have you talk yourself talk out of what was likely an accurate judgement.

Side note: I'm hoping that Gladwell will get to how to identify and trust our gut instincts. Right now, he's boring me with stupid stories.

Stop calling it a disease and smarten up

It bothers me when people call their short-comings "diseases" and throw their hands up in despair. I am thinking specifically of alcoholism, obesity, and eating disorders. It's difficult to feel sorry for people who know better.

One of the more memorable stories told in one of my first year classes was how cigarettes gained their popularity. The manufacturers sent packs of cigarettes to its soliders overseas with the promise that smoking them would calm their nerves. There were no warnings about possible short-term or long-term side effects. The soliders eventually became addicted to them. I feel sorry for this bunch because they did not know better. They were unaware of the potential damaging effects the cigarettes had on their health. And given the undoubtedly tense situations they faced in battle, I would have openly welcomed a gift that promises to calm me down and was sent from home - a country I love and one I was willing to fight for. As the side-effects of cigarettes became widely know, I don't understand why people still allow themselves to be addicted to them. Given that is is an addiction, it is interesting that no one feels sorry for smokers who die from cancer. In fact, some may think "well, they had that coming" or "they deserved it".

If we don't let smokers off the hook for knowingly damaging their bodies, why do we lament over alcoholics, obese people, anorexicss, etc.? Why are their afflictions "diseases"? Why allow them to use that label as a crutch to NOT get better? The term "disease", to me, implies that its cause was out of my control. It also makes the person a "victim" who needs someone (i.e. a doctor) to save them.

Am I being too harsh? The "diseases" I mention aren't caused by a single mistake at a moment of weakness. It is the culmination of repeated offenses. The decisions to drink/eat/throw up are made individually and repeatedly over a long period of time. They know that they are damaging their bodies and have deliberately chosen that route (unless the person did not have the capacity to understand the dangers of their decisions, i.e., a child). None of them have my sympathy.

Personality Tests are SCAMS!

According to my unprofessional opinion, personality tests are retarded. It would be unfair to say ALL personality tests are retarded...I can only speak about the ones I've done myself.

Here is how those I tried work:
1. They ask you to describe yourself by giving you adjectives that fall into x number of categories
2. They tell you what category your personality belongs in based the answers you provided
3. They give a blurb about your category by using the adjectives you selected in the first place

I see two faults with them. First, if you describe yourself as shy, they'll tell you that you're an introvert. Whoop-dee-freaking-doo. I could have saved myself some time by using a thesaurus. Second, their accuracy is based on that of your self-perception. The fact that the results "enlighten" some people is a good indication that they don't know who they are. Someone with a real perception of who they are would not be surprised by the answers they give themselves.

What would interest me more is knowing how my friends, acquaintances, and foes feel about me. If you fall into one of those three groups, this is an open invitation for you to tell me what you think of me - good or bad. Please feel free to be as detailed as you would like.