Death: BOO! Me: Ehhh

A good test of how you feel about life is to give death a visit [put down the bottle of pills - that’s not what I mean]. At a friend’s suggestion, we took our afternoon stroll in a cemetery. I was initially shocked and disturbed by the idea. Unless you were there to pay respects to a loved one, who in their right mind would actually want to randomly walk around from headstone to headstone willingly, reading the etchings along the way?

Expecting a heavy air of gloom to overwhelm me as soon as I entered the site, I was pleasantly surprised by the sunrays that warmed my face and the peace and serenity that filled my heart. Instead of seeing death as absolute and final, I felt happiness at the very depth of my soul. It was the most peaceful moment I have ever experienced. I wanted it captured forever. What kind of freak finds joy at a cemetery?

Well, I’m that freak. It took me a few moments to realize what was going on. My opinion is that your view of death is reflective of your view of life...and beyond. Troublesome feelings will be magnified, as will happy ones. In my case, I do not fear death. I fear the physical pain that may be associated with the act of dying [please don't let me go by way of canker sores and stomach aches]. I will be saddened by the termination of my relationships with people when I pass away. But I do not fear death itself [I recognize that it's easy to say now]. It is simply the end of [what I hope to be] a remarkable run in the great adventure of life.

In the name of whose father?

The simplest questions are the hardest to answer. There is one that pops up now and then: where does my faith lie? It is more complex than which god(s) I pray to or which service I attend. Does my faith even lie in a god?

Let me backtrack to 1990, when my mom decided to place my brother and I in a Catholic school rather than a public one. At the time, the board was not financially desperate enough to admit non-Catholics into their schools. This meant my brother and I had to be baptized [which we were right after my parents were remarried in front of God for the first time]. Being brought up by a non-Catholic mother and a non-practising-Catholic father did not exactly foster my spirituality. Looking back, I would only consider myself Catholic by certificate. Sure we had religion classes and I completed the sacraments introduced to us in elementary school. But then again, who didn’t [i.e. I can't remember anyone refusing First Communion]?

Religion as a whole is a great thing. It teaches its believers morality and instills in them good wholesome values. Whether God, heaven, hell, and reincarnation exist or not does not concern me very much. As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, all I try to do is to live out my life motto: Live for happiness. Live in love. Live with integrity. I plan to live as well as I can and whatever happens to me in the afterlife [something that I can’t control anyway] will take care of itself.

[Now that I’ve taken a short detour...let’s go back to reality, oops there goes gravity...]

So where then lies my faith? It may sound like a very simple, perhaps even unsatisfactory, answer [to a very simple question nonetheless] but my faith lies in the belief that if you lead a good life, you will be duly rewarded. [Here comes the circular logic] The reward is the good life that you will lead. By a good life, I mean one where you take the high road, make moral decisions, be a good citizen, help those in need, etc. Religion is a great tool to help you achieve that life. To this day, I still enjoy learning about the many parables scattered within the Bible. But my faith goes beyond religion. I still haven’t been able to wrap my head around the idea that our short time on earth destines us a place in either heaven or hell for eternity. And I say again: there’s no point in worrying about something out of my control. If that exists, I’m sure I will be taken care of one way or another if I lead a good life on earth. It’ll just be the cherry on top of an already delicious sundae [I hope I am not overly optimistic in hoping that I will either be cured of my lactose intolerance or that there exists lactose free sundaes in heaven].

Even though I didn’t sit down and give the question serious thought until today, I haven’t felt empty or lost in this sphere of my life [as I thought I would] because of two reasons. First, it isn’t a separate part of my life [it's right smack in the middle of my 3D Venn Diagram of spheres]. Second, even though where my faith lies was not articulated until now [done poorly and without a smudge of earth-shaterring insight if I may say so myself], it is the underlying principal by which I already try to live.

Leap of faith

Eager for an opportunity
To make an unbound leap
Be it minute or significant
Unfazed by the risk of failure
Knowing that an opportunity or a lesson
Awaits me on the other side

- Stephanie Lau

1 – Poor, 2 – Below Average, 3 – Average, 4 – Above Average, 5 – Excellent

A friend of mine is going through tumultuous times and speaking to her sparked a random question. If God decided to flood the earth, send armies of locusts, turn water into blood, or commit any Apocalypse-like events to end our existence right this minute, how would I fill out the question on the comment card at the Pearly Gates “What did you think of your stay on Earth”?

When it comes to my stay personally, I would have to give it a solid 5. I base my score on two factors: the circumstance / environment I was given and how well I was able to strive within it. No one can choose to be born in a poor village within a third world country any more or less than they can choose to be born in a wealthy family within a first world country. Nor could children make their parents love them and raise them properly. All we can do is deal with our environment the best we can. I am lucky enough to be part of a middle class family with loving parents who tried their best to raise me well. I was encouraged to try new things and we were able to afford those opportunities. But whatever situation we’re in, it is up to us to make the best of it. I haven’t had many roadblocks but the ones I did encounter, I put in the effort to learn the lessons and foster personal growth. If there were a nuclear holocaust right this minute, I would vaporize a happy person without regrets. I earned the 5 with some luck on my side.

When it comes to the state of the world, I would have to give it a dismal 1. This has to be put simply and bluntly – the world is messed up. How did we let it be run into the ground? Why are we sitting at home watching Jeremy Roenick inarticulately defend his multimillion-dollar salary on network television instead of getting up and helping turn things around? There is so much to be done...helping famished children in third world countries, stopping the War on “Terror”, raising social awareness, etc. Those who need help can’t help themselves and those who have the ability to help don’t want to help. How long can we survive like this?