Good vs EVIL

The good Samaritan who helped dig my car out of the snow bank on the random front yard I flew into last Friday reminded me of the good that prevails in the world. I was very appreciative of his willingness to help but the glimmer of hope is still so dim that it's difficult to shake my pessimistic thoughts...

...which brings me to childbearing. As a [somewhat] normal teenager, I gabbed with other girls about what our families would be like. Our husbands would look like Ken, we would have a girl, a boy, and a dog, our houses would have a nice porch with a swing bench [and perhaps even the picturesque yet over-rated white picket fence], and live happily ever after. Times have changed and so have I. For one, I don't want my husband to look like a plastic ditz. The white picket fence probably needs a new coat of paint every spring and I'd be too lazy to keep it from rotting. Hopefully, my dog Stormy will still be alive [she'll be 20 or so] but I'm not so sure about the kids anymore.

Kids, in general, are great. The question is whether this world is good enough for my children. It will undoubtedly be a decision between my future-husband and I, but as it stands, I remain skeptical. I like my life and would love for my kids to have the same experiences I've so fortunately enjoyed. However, I get the feeling that the world is crumbling and deteriorating by the second. Funny enough, it's not the crime or the hate that scares me. It's the politics. Invading countries for oil, destroying the environment, and making "democratic" decisions based on carefully planned political moves to hoard support make me sick. The fact that the immense greed and selfishness of a small group of people proves to be powerful enough to change the course of the world brings me to my knees. It may not be something that may directly influence my children but when covetousness rears its ugly head, all bets are off.

It's too early to make any sort of decision and the world may not be as bad as my outlook makes it out to be. This siutation is simply worrisome enough to have it occupy my mind for years. Who will take charge and mke this world a better place [I would if I weren't so damn lazy]? I suppose it could be my daugher, the future Nobel Peace Prize winner.

A Human Wonder

The world beyond passes by
Staring outward with blank eyes
Void of will and desire
I remain sheltered at my post

Life becomes mere existence
Its defenses soundly built
In crippling fear and distrust
I rely on its protection

Reason alone is inconsequential
Conviction lacking
The heart faithless
I cannot tear down my creation

But over time light penetrates
True belief restored
Present and future fears diminish
I break through and open myself

- Stephanie Lau

Deep within

Enlightenment descends
And lightly touches my thoughts
Subtle yet powerful its manner
Quietly waiting for exploration

Time is of no consequence
It smiles in its infinite wisdom
No taunting or precipitance
Quietly waiting for exploration

No ego to bruise, jealousy foreign
Taking a back seat to triviality knowing
A sweet victory for me is certain
Quietly waiting for exploration

Ready and in need the price is paid
Attentive and willing I command it to rise
I explore to the depths of my being
Grateful for its kind patience

- Stephanie Lau

Just like a phone sex operator

Quite often, I look around at work and can't help but think that I tricked them [twice] into giving me a job. My neurotic dual personalities have finally come in handy. It's as if I were a phone sex operator. My behaviour at and outside of work is quite different.

I have a funny way of dealing with things I don't like to do. Let's take public speaking as an example. I get nervous just as many others do, but I do a pretty good job of hiding it. My trick, used in conjunction with over-preparation, is to pretend to be someone who enjoys public speaking. I do the same thing during teleconferences and big meetings at work. My acting gives me confidence and makes me sound suave and intelligent [at least I think so].

It's hard for me to play the "political game". I'm too straight a shooter to muddle in that sort of thing. However, I do understand that this is the environment that businesses, and many other things, deal in and I have to find a way to work with it. In order to stay true to myself and "live by integrity", I'm going to use my "work-Steph" to handle all that nonsense so the "real and cool-Steph" stays real and cool [haha].

I.O.U.

I get pretty banged up from time to time. Fortunately, I haven't been seriously injured from sports but I have more than my fair share of painful experiences. During my high school pitching days, my left shin loved to catch grounders. When I'm in the infield covering someone else as they go for a pop fly, I was knocked to the ground by an elbow to the face. I was knocked out for a little bit and woke up with a fat lip and a mouthful of blood. When I'm playing basketball my face likes to outdo my arms by catching a few baseball passes of its own. I've played volleyball with a newly stitched finger and had my bandage fly off after receiving a strong serve. Baseball hurt my shoulder so badly it took three years to heal. Volleyball has partially torn ligaments in my feet and knees and propagated inflammation in my Achilles tendons. I sacrifice for sport time and time again. A professional I am not, but I am an athlete nonetheless.

It was tough to miss badminton and volleyball this past week [I draw the line at curling] after hurting my knee. Someone at work suggested I simply do activities that wouldn't add burden to my knees. I stared blankly at her and simply said but everything I do in my life involves my knees. Another colleague was adamant that it's not a big deal to miss practices for weeks until my knees heal since I wasn't a professional athlete. They just don't get the point. It's part of who I am. I'm not talking about being a jock or a superstar [I don't believe I'm either]. Team sports developed my character. You can't ask a professional athlete to turn their intensity down or give up in a game and you can't ask the same of me. I've played through pain not because I was strong but because it made me strong. I woke up at 5am for morning practices not because I wanted to but because it made me want to. I am competitive not because I want to win but because it gives me the will to win. The things I learned on the court helps me deal with life. Without it, I would not have the leadership skills, self-confidence, a healthy lifestyle, diverse groups of friends, and joie de vie that I enjoy today. Playing team sports has taken me on a wonderful journey and made me who I am. I'm someone I'm proud of. I can only hope that I will get a chance to pay my debt some day.

Corporations are as evil as we let them be

Like all forms of society, ours has its pros and cons. Like all citizens, we complain day and night about its horrible effects on our lives. I am no business or political science major and am no more familiar with the inner workings of capitalism than the average Joe [or Jane]. However, I think [moreso sincerely hope] that my discussions can go beyond "Corporations are evil", "The government is screwing us over", or "We want better health care".

I can already feel your pouncing eyes on me. Don't worry, I am going to remain as impartial and practical as I can. It is my wish that this will spawn a healthy [and half-intelligent] discussion whether you agree with me or not. If there are no comments at the end of my blog, I shall rightly, with complete bias, assume that you all agree with me. There is no intent on unleashing shattering and enlightened arguments. My wish is to make myself feel a little better about the state of our society today [by tricking myself into thinking that there is hope].

Transparency is undeniably lacking in today's corporations. Corporations want to be run as independently as possible [it is within their character to do so] and would appear transparent only when it severs themselves. The government [and its citizens] cannot restrain the corporations' activities without knowing how they operate. Once this is clear [or becomes as clear as it's going to get], the government must crack down and impose strict regulations with heavy and meaningful financial consequences for incompliance. A $500K fine is not even a slap on the wrist [only a half-stern finger pointing] if applied to companies netting billions of dollars every quater. The fines must be substantial enough to deter them from ignoring rules. Stewardship is also important simply because what gets measured gets done. The government must keep a close eye on business areas and controls that they deem important. Another bonus to transparency is that it gives the public the choice of using their purchasing power as influence. If only we realize how powerful that is, we could force companies to be less evil.

The sole goal of corporations is to make their shareholders money. They are what they are unless governments and the public do something about it. There is no way corporations will change on their own. But there is hope that we will all awaken from our drunken stupor and realize we can, to a certain degree, control how companies run their business. We are the consumer and they want our money.

After what turned out to be some government bashing, I thought, why stop? Why is it that governments are so bad with money? They would run much more efficiently if they modeled carefully chosen parts of its operation after corporations. Hmmm, I dont' know what the point of my blog is anymore...