There are worse things than centipedes and locked jaws

I fear stillness - the never moving.  I don't want my life or my relationships with people to ever be static.  Stagnation would be hell on earth.

I do not fear physical death.  Cutting life short is always unfortunate but bearable if it was lived to its fullest.  There is no use in worrying about something out of my control.  The best thing I can do for myself is to keep on truckin' and ne'er stop until I'm six feet underground.

It takes time and genuine reflection to determine how best to live your life.  It is a very worthwhile exercise that I've just recently completed.  The things I want to do on my spare time would ideally include:
        1. Learning in one form or another
        2. Serving a greater cause than myself
        3. Fostering relationships with people
        4. Relaxation
        5. Improving my physical health
        6. Personal growth
        7. Fun

I'm proud to be a kid

Today's youth is growing up a lot quicker than their predecessors and it's not by choice. An evil yet brilliant marketer realized that the quicker kids grow up, the sooner they will have spending power. Children and pre-teens are ridiculously conscious about their style and appearance. Some are almost a decade younger than me but are less of a kid than I am.

I recall some butt ugly outfits I wore when I was around their age. In the summer, I'd wear a pair of red shorts with a white t-shirt and brown vest. In the winter, I'd wear a pair of Georgetown Looney Toons fleece pants, a white t-shirt, and a long-sleeve jean shirt. Dorky plastic glasses adorned my face until I was 14 when I finally switched to metal frames. I repeatedly caught balls with my face throughout my high school sports career and didn't wear contacts until university. I had a rat-tail until I was 17. Make-up is still not a part of my regular routine.

It always seems to me that I'm five years behind girls my age when it comes to this stuff. But you know what, I'm still a kid and proud of it. There's no point for me to grow up so soon. Youth is precious. I have another 60 years [hopefully] left to be an adult and I'm in no hurry.

Hi everyone. My name is ehbaba and I'm here because I suffer from indifference.

I want to do more. I want to be more. I don't and I'm not because I'm indifferent.

Since indifference is "a condition of abnormal functioning", I suppose it can be categorized as a "disease". The viscous irony of this affliction is that although the victim can cure himself if he so chooses, he won't because he could care less. Oh the cruelty. Sadly enough, I was not aware of my ailment until recently when I chatted with someone about things we do outside of work and memorable experiences we cherish. The breadth and depth of his adventures and activities were staggering. I felt so unworthy of life. I've been given such a beautiful thing and I have unwittingly watched it go to waste. Having been thoroughly disgusted at my lack of passion for life, I sat myself down and started a list of things I wanted to accomplish. This is going to be harder than I thought. I looked at my list again. These don't even sound fun. The intial excitement was waning. The ideas were few and uncreative. I'd rather watch TV. Shame on you! I know, I know, but I promise I'll try again later.

It became clear very quickly that jotting a list of things to do is not going to cut it. The root problem has not yet been identified and a quick fix won't last very long [stating the obvious, I know]. Where is my zest for life? What happened to the will, passion, and enthusiasm that was oh-so-abundant in my youth? Has my prime come and gone? I am unable to provide answers to any of these questions [this seems to be the trend lately]. So perhaps I am approaching this problem incorrectly. New boundary conditions [that's right, I said boundary conditions...ERTW] need to be set.

Kazaam! I know the culprit...work. It can suck the fun out of life if you let it comsume you. How is it that our extracurricular activities have suddenly become important weapons in our resume aresenal? What happened to rolling around in the fields and frolicking with our imaginary friends? The young professionals [and some unwise older ones as well] of today are much too concerned about work and forget that it is merely a necessity that serves to provide us with our basic needs and sustain our chosen lifestyles. Happy people not only find a balance between life and work, they understand that work depends on life, and not the other way around [one of life's great truths, really, so mark my words and jot them down]. Alas, I've become indifferent to how I spend my free time because I've lost sight of this fact .

As a wise person [ehbaba] once said, "Live by integrity. Live for happiness. Live with love." This doesn't have much to do with my blog. It's my shamless way of saying I'm wise and plugging my life motto.

Poker isn't just fun and games

"Someone" [I can't be bothered to do actual research for all my blogs] once compared life to a game of cards. You have to play with the hand you've been dealt. "Others" have expressed this fundamental reality of life in other ways. If you have lemons, make lemonade.

Okay, we get it. There is no use in being envious or jealous of other people's gifts, possessions, or situations. It is as pointless and wasteful as admitting defeat when times get tough. We will go through ups and downs. All anyone can do is to ride the waves. Blah blahbitty blah blah.

At the risk of beating this metaphor to a slow and tortured death, I would like to compare life to Texas Hold'Em [my preferred poker game at the moment]. There is more to the game [and life] than being dealt good hands and bad hands. I'm thinking specifically of times when you are dealt an absolutely fabulous hand but know that the best thing to do is to lay it down. Although it seems that I've just raised an excellent point [pat pat], alarm bells should be going off in your heads. You only lay down a good hand if you think another player has you beat. In the game of life, however, there is no other player [it appears as though the poker metaphor has some holes]. Now obviously, I haven't worked this all out yet. Maybe we can get to the bottom of this together.

Let's imagine that something in your life has the potential of working out really well. As with most things in life, however, it isn't perfect. You may not deem the circumstances as ideal and have the option to pursue it or drop it. Is it theoretically possible/sensible to lay down a good hand when you're not actually playing against anyone else? It doesn't seem wise to only pursue opportunities only when you are certian you hold the "nuts". Life will just pass you by and you will shrink and wither. However, it doesn't seem wise to pursue poor options at the risk of passing up attractive ones either.

We are now left with lots of questions and no answers. We are cursed [or blessed] to search our own ways by fumbling around in the dark and muttering unintelligible thoughts to ourselves. Life wouldn't be quite as interesting or stressful otherwise. Even though the engineer in me wants a definite answer [yes, I've already been told that I tend to overanalyze], I do understand that some answers will reveal themselves only when the time is right. For me, I suppose, now is not the right time. C'est la vie.