It's not just about the balloon

For my "Cultivating Presence" course last term, the students were asked to identify a scenario that prompted strong emotional reactions. We reflected on our emotions to determine why we feel a certain way about or have conditioned automatic responses to certain things. I didn't think I could come up with something deep and meaningful, but I surprised myself.

I described a work situation when someone took credit for work that I had done. I HATE HATE HATE it when I'm not properly appreciated for my contribution. One reflection led to another, until I was able to unearth a childhood memory that started this all:
My brother and I were with our parents at the CNE Air Show (I can't remember what it's called) when were were 6 and 11. A clown came to the crowd with dozens of helium balloons and started to hand them out. My brother and I ran out and were first in line. In a few seconds, the clown was surrounded by many kids who were screaming, pushing, and begging for balloons. While we stood there patiently in our stern belief that we would be rewarded for being first in line, the other kids stretched their hands out around us to grab the balloons out of the clown's hands.

As the exercise continued, I realized why I am so stern about being fair. I clearly remember how it felt when the clown had given everyone else a balloon and leaving my brother and I empty-handed. Not only is it important to be fair, it is also important to stand up for yourself. If you dont' stand up for yourself, you leave people the opportunity to take advantage of you. Standing up for myself is difficult for me because I dislike conflict and confrontation (I know you're all surprised). I can easily think of a dozen instances of when I didn't stand up for myself. I'm starting to be better at it though. The battle is to not appear to be trivial or selfish, because I detest those traits too. Another battle is my laziness. Sometimes, it just takes too much effort to yell at someone unless the offence meets my internal anger-threshold.