And one for the little girl who lives down the lane

(Addendum to the poem “With This I Wash my Hands” – see March archive)

It’s been three weeks of commuting by TTC, with at least two years left to go. I am no stranger to “Riding the Rocket” [hey now], having done it for three and a half years during my undergraduate days. The trains, schedules, and routines are the same but something is markedly different. The commute no longer depresses me.

So what changed? The ride is just as long and tiring as before. The trains are just as crowded and subject to as many delays. The environment did not change. I did.

From time to time, I used to feel herded downtown by an invisible force. I was just one of many who did what they did because that was what they were told or expected to do. There was no participation on my part. I went downtown everyday because of a decision I made in high school to go to university and the university told me to show up in class at certain times on certain days. It was surreal to feel my removal from reality.

The difference this time around is that I’m in control. I’m back in grad school because of a decision I made three years ago. It was no more conscious or planned than my undergraduate choice. Neither of them were made for the right reasons or with all the facts, but fortunately, both worked out well. Despite the similarities, I’m living the choice and making the most out of it this time around. Let me explain.

My mind has been made up about how I want to balance my life. Work is a necessity. Without work, you cannot pay for the food, water, and shelter you need to survive. Everyone has to work. Back in the good old days of hunting and gathering, people ‘worked’ all day because if you didn’t, you’d starve and your village mates would eat you. Then came agriculture. Thank goodness! Weak little me would not have survived as a hunter/gatherer. An agricultural society produces enough food to allow for other occupations other than farmers. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to get paid sitting in front of a computer and modelling things on Excel. So whether it is farming or Excel modelling, I have to make my contribution somehow somewhere to get paid. I happen to prefer the latter.

The capitalist society we live in promotes wealth. Somewhere along the line, people no longer worked for survival. They worked to gather and collect as much wealth as possible. The days at the office lengthened and the time spent with family shrunk. What for?

I will do all I can to lead a balanced life. Since work is necessary, and that I will have to spend at least 40 hours a week doing it, I might as well make it as enjoyable as possible. This is why I decided to go to grad school. I was not convinced that I would be happy simply being an engineer. So I’m investing my time in grad school to open up interesting career paths. I plan to work smarter, not harder [something all lazy people say...and I'm no different].

I’d rather see my kids grow up than drive a Mercedes. I’d rather spend time with my husband than live in a house that is too big for us. I’d rather enjoy life than spend it chained to a desk.