A day in the life of a truly lazy person

ALOT of Spiders

2011-02-14T21:34:00.001-05:00

(Reposted from Mel's blog)

Notes:
1.This is taken directly from an email thread between me and ehbaba.
2."ALOT" and "Spiders" stem from Allie Brosh's blog, Hyperbole and a Half - please visit her site on my sidebar (and I will probably add more links when my battery isn't dying).
3.27bslash6 is another link on my sidebar--please visit!
4.ehbaba and her hubby HS ("Hamburger Smasher", as named by ehbaba) are currently residing in Australia.
There. I think the rest will make sense.
...

From: ehbaba
To: melody
Subject: Spiders

have you read the 'spiders' post on hyperbole and a half?

lubbed it (specifically "i'd be all...no" and "defects")

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From: ehbaba
To: melody
Subject: ALOT

ok alot is even better

am i giving you a play by play of my blog reading lunch hour?

yes.

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From: melody
To: ehbaba
Subject: Re: ALOT

LoL Awesome.

Spiders: that's why I liked the 27bslash6 post about AUS/US. "If I am reincarnated as a spider, I will bite myself and not seek medical assistance" and "In Australia, the presence of a spider involves combat gear and improvised weapons."

Did I ever tell you about Brodder and I killing centipedes at home? Centipedes are too big to be killed with a wad of tissue, but too fast/creepy to be left alone and ignored in a corner of the room. If the vacuum cleaner wasn't readily handy, then we would take a shoe and just smash the sucker flat in one swift swat...and then leave it. Just because it was dead didn't mean it stopped feeling gross to the touch through a wad of tissue. The idea was that after smashing it, we'd go and get the vacuum at our leisure and suck it up off the floor/shoe, but sometimes it was a while before we got around to it.

Word to the wise: if you ever see a shoe just chilling in a random place on the floor at my parents' house, chances are there's something squished beneath it.

LoL

I think I'm going to post that. :)

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From: ehbaba
To: melody
Subject: Re: Re: ALOT

Awesome. Post.

HS's way to combat cockroaches and things that look like cockroahces (e.g. a really dark/black grasshopper) is to hairspray it to death/an immobolised state.

(side note: our place is clean but cockroaches are just everywhere and come in from the outdoors...we actually walk by them on sidewalks and parks and shit and it isn't dirty or anything?!?!?!)

We always have to have some cheap no name hairspray on hand. Cockroaches are resilient and FAST so it takes 30s of constant spraying to do them in. One time in the old apartment, we caught one in the bathtub that just came up through the drain. He was cornered. HS sprayed him but didn't want to deal with picking him up and tossing him in the garbage (we were rushing to get out the door and go to work). Inexplicably, he thought pouring Draino on it would be a better way of dealing with it. When we got back that night, the cockroach LIQUEFIED. Fully made it worse to pick up.

Recently, HS tried to use some all purpose cleaner to discourage miniature ants from trying to get in through the window frame. It didn't really work. While the first batch of ants scurried off, more were coming back (or the same ones...ants all look the same to me). Maybe they liked the citrus scent? So I suggested using BAM bathroom/tile cleaner. That stuff is POTENT. Not only did all the ants scurry away, the chemical fumes burned the inside of my nose for about 5 minutes. So later the same night, when HS saw a grasshopper disguised as a cockroach, he attacked it with his entire arsenal. With his hairspray in one hand and BAM in the other, he double-whammied the poor sucker and it was dead in no time. Then instantly we felt bad because we only kill cockroaches and try to let moths, grasshoppers, and daddy long legs live. We didn't even realise it was a grasshopper until it was trying to jump away from the BAM sprays. But by then it was too late. :(

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From: ehbaba
To: melody
Subject: Re: Re: Re: ALOT

edit

the cockroach didn't liquefy
it turned gelatinous

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From: melody
To: ehbaba
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: ALOT

gggggrrrroooooooossssssss!

But in an awesome sort of way.

Apparently lines of talcum powder keep ants away. They won't cross it...? My cousins did it at their place...they'd just had a new baby so they had tons of baby powder to try it with. Tell me if it works. If not, I guess good luck with the BAM.

I like that you capitalized BAM every time. :)

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From: ehbaba
To: melody
Subject: Re: Re: Re: ALOT

good tip
i have baby powder...will definitely try that

Americans may find this the most awesomest map ever

2011-02-11T00:02:00.002-05:00

Defining a Canadian

2011-01-25T00:54:00.004-05:00

Regardless of whether the below editorial really exists, I still really enjoyed it!

***********

An Australian Definition of a Canadian
In case anyone asks you who a Canadian is . . .

You probably missed it in the local news, but there was a report that someone in Pakistan had advertised in a newspaper an offer of a reward to anyone who killed a Canadian - any Canadian..

An Australian dentist wrote the following editorial to help define what a Canadian is, so they would know one when they found one.

A Canadian can be English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek. A Canadian can be Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, Arab, Pakistani or Afghan. A Canadian may also be a Cree, Metis, Mohawk, Blackfoot, Sioux, or one of the many other tribes known as native Canadians.   A Canadian's religious beliefs range from Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu or none.   In fact, there are more Muslims in Canada than in Afghanistan. The key difference is that in Canada they are free to worship as each of them chooses. Whether they have a religion or no religion, each Canadian ultimately answers only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.

A Canadian lives in one of the most prosperous lands in the history of the world. The root of that prosperity can be found in the Charter of Rights and Freedoms which recognize the right of each person to the pursuit of happiness.

A Canadian is generous and Canadians have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need, never asking a thing in return. Canadians welcome the best of everything, the best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, the best services and the best minds.
But they also welcome the least - the oppressed, the outcast and the rejected.

These are the people who built Canada . You can try to kill a Canadian if you must as other blood-thirsty tyrants in the world have tried but in doing so you could just be killing a relative or a neighbour. This is because Canadians are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom.   Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, can be a Canadian.

Is "multiracialism" just an excuse to be close-minded?

2010-12-23T14:43:00.000-05:00

John Howard, an ex-Australian prime minister, shared his views on multiculturalism and multiracialism earlier this year. He believes that English-speaking countries should firmly assert their cultural identity upon new immigrants (multiracialism) rather than "[placate] alternative philosophies" (multiculturalism). He feels that multiculturalism breeds terrorism because "there was nothing fanatical movements and Islamic extremists despised more than weakness and lack of self-belief in the ideologies that they attack".

Aside: I don't know if his definitions of these two terms are accurate, but for the purpose of this post, I'll accept them as his interpretation of those two terms.

He lists the US as a country that practices multiracialism, which seems to be a poor example given the whole 9/11 fiasco. He also lists the UK as a country that endangers itself by practising multiculturalism, but it seemed to be doing fine until it stepped in to help its multiracial buddy across the Atlantic. I don't know what motivates the hate behind some of the fanatics, but from the little I know, it has more to do with the ideology of the target countries rather than their open-arm and accepting approach to new immigrants. More likely than not, the lack of terrorist attacks in Australia is due to its remote location and its absence in international news coverage.

It surprises me that in a city with as much diversity as Sydney, people with different backgrounds hardly mingle. Many Australians I've met do feel that immigrants should fully accept Australian culture. This is most evident during the holiday season when almost all cards read "Merry Christmas" and the shopping centres play "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing". I think it's a good thing that Australians proudly celebrate its Christian heritage but their negative attitude toward the celebration of other cultures and religions is isolating immigrants and preventing Australians from learning to respect and coexist with people from foreign lands. For example, a friend of a friend was moving to Toronto and was looking for a place to stay. A condo listing included a picture of its courtyard with a black person sitting on a bench. When she saw the ad, she asked "does that mean it's a bad neighbourhood?"

No smoking on airplanes

2010-08-25T03:24:00.005-04:00

Why do airplane bathrooms still have ashtrays on their doors? Have the airplane-bathroom-door-manufacturers made so many in exccess that they are STILL trying to get rid of their inventory or are the planes really THAT old?

-Edit-
Maybe they reuse those doors?

Happy belated birthday to MEEEEE!

2010-05-25T03:34:00.020-04:00

While my past year was exciting, this year, instead of doing my normal year-in-review, I want to talk about what we TRIED to do for my birthday.

Steve's mom came to visit in late Feb/early Mar. We tried to cram as many day trips as we could on weekends because we didn't have enough time to do a lot during the work week. Weekend trips included...

...wine tasting at the Hunter Valley,

...going to the Sydney zoo, and

...visiting Melbourne.

In amongst out outings, we found some time to have a small birthday celebration. Steve's mom made tourtiere pie and chocolate bread pudding for the three of us and our friends Pattee and Niel. :) Since our kitchen is poorly equipped, she had to buy massive tin foil BUCKETS to use as baking dishes. This forced her to make twice as much food as we needed. Intending to have almost half the food as leftovers, she went ahead and made a fantastic meal.

Steve dished up and no one realised what was happening until we were all stuffed with our plates still half-full. He split up all that food in 5 equal parts, not thinking that the plan was to have food leftover. Somehow, we still managed to polish our plates and have most of the dessert.

We've heard that the Blue Mountains are fantastic and we were waiting for an opportunity to go for ourselves. As it happens, the only day that we had available was my actual birthday. Because it's a few hours' drive away and we were going to try and cram the trip into one day, we decided to take a bus tour. I had the pleasure of waking up at 5am on my birthday to catch the bus. En route, we stopped at a wildlife conservatory. We got to pet kangaroos and koalas, which was really neat.

We had braced ourselves for a wet trip. The forecast was rain for the entire day. We prepped ourselves by buying ponchos so we would be able to do the hikes/walks without worrying about balancing with an umbrella. What we weren't prepared for was nothing. Well, that's unfair. We did see something...and lots of it...

...fog fog fog fog fog. It was everywhere. To add insult to injury, we prepaid extra to dine in the 360 rotating restaurant for the pleasure of having lunch with "mountain" views.

The "Three Sisters" (rock formations) and the "Blue Mountains" (blue from the way light reflects off the oil given off by the eucalyptus trees) were hidden the entire time. This is what people see on a clear day. Since there was no point going to look-outs, we were told we could take a short 10min walk and at least see one of the mountians' many waterfalls. It took close to 20min each way because we tried to tip toe around the muddy track. We got excited when we caught our first glimpse.

Then, we turned the corner, and oh my goodness it was soooooo...

...WEAK! They should rename that to the "Katoomba Trickle". The only cool thing we got to do was ride the steepest railway in the world but the ride only lasted a few seconds and we didn't get to see much looking out.

We tried to salvage her remaining weekend in Aus with a quick trip to Melbourne. Steve was there for business so he was at meetings while I kept his mom entertained with shopping. Before leaving us to our own devices, he made sure I had my phone with me(he asks me this out of habit anytime we split up when we're out, but it was particularly important this time because his mom was having issues with her tooth and we were in a straunge city). We were out shopping for at least an hour. We stopped at a convenience store beside the hotel to grab some snacks. While we were waiting in line, I decided to check my phone. I had 2 missed texts and 18 missed calls from Steve within a 13 minute time span. I went to check the texts first and they read:
"Emergency. Please call asap!"
"I asked you to have your phone ready!"

Totally freaked out, I called him back right away but there was no answer. I kept calling and calling, hoping that he wasn't in so much trouble that he couldn't even answer his phone. When I finally got a hold of him, he told me "never mind". Not satisfied with that, I pushed him to tell me what the emergency was. He insisted that it didn't matter anymore. When I kept on asking, he finally yelled "I asked you to have your phone ready!" I calmly told him that he did not and reminded him that he simply asked if I had my phone on me. After we got off the phone, I confirmed with his mom that he never asked me to "have my phone ready".

As it turns out, he was in a line-up that his mom and I passed by while shopping. We didn't know what the commotion was and didn't care enough to cross the street to find out. Unlike me, he asked the people in line what they were waiting for. Jamie Oliver was in town promoting his new cookbook. The first x number of people who buy a copy can have it signed by him and get a picture taken with him. On the spur of the moment, Steve thought that this would make a great bday present for me. So he lined up and when he got close to the end, he called me so I could go meet him to get my picture with Jamie. In the end, Steve really said it best:

One Jamie Oliver cook book for your wife’s birthday - $79

Standing in line to get Jamie Oliver cook book signed for your wife - an hour of your life that you can never get back

Calling your wife to get her butt over to the book store so she can get her pic taken with Jamie Oliver - 25 phone calls to voicemail over a 30 min. period while standing in line

Having to get YOUR picture with the chef your wife loves, because she cannot get her butt over to the book store in time for the picture - priceless, but not really worth it.

Stormy 1991-2010

2010-02-02T01:00:00.005-05:00

I didn't even want her when we were first given an opportunity to adopt her from a family friend. Taking care of a dog really goes against my creed of laziness...but she seemed like an ALRIGHT dog and she was happy once she stopped crying for her past owner. She grew on me in less than a week. From that point on, I was HOOKED.

In her previous life, she wasn't walked often. She was let out into the yard to do her business but that was about it. So when we took her for walks, she would pull and pull. It was hard to deny her the joy she derived from running 7 feet before the leash choked her and spun her around by the neck. She also spent a ridiculous amount of time at EACH bush, tree, hydrant, street sign, blade of grass, etc. Since she was well trained in all other aspects, we decided to spoil her and let her do whatever she wanted when she was outdoors.

I didn't realize that I didn't like dogs until well after I first met Stormy. I got used to her easy going and loving temperament. It annoyed me when other dogs tried to lick me or jump on me or got their hair all over my clothes. Stormy never did any of that. When she wanted company, she`d come over to see if you were in the mood to pet her and let her sit by you. If not, she went to bed. If so, she`d lie by your side until you get up and leave. When we wanted to play with her, she`d usually indulge us. Interestingly, the only time she played fetch was right after a bath when she became super energetic and developed a need to rip into soft toys! I really missed her when I moved out and was happy to see that she was always glad to see me when I visited (and vice versa)!

She remained so young and vibrant until May `09. Suddenly, she stopped eating, drinking, and moving around. There was swelling in her chest and it was feared that her liver was starting to fail. We had to prepare ourselves to put her down and had to start deciding when we should do it. Miraculously, she made a recovery, even though her joie de vie suffered slightly. I was so excited to see her over Christmas but was sad to see that while she was feeling better, her age was starting to catch up to her. She was completely blind (cataracts) and spent most of her time in bed. While she enjoyed going for walks from time to time and being treated to human food, she no longer bounced around or actively begged for food. She was never good with her nose so she had to depend on people to bring food to her (she knew there was food around...she just couldn't figure out where it was). The saddest thing was that she had little or no reaction when she heard me. I don`t know whether she recognized my voice or not (she used to before). She usually perks up and gets excited when she hears me call for her but she just seemed really tired and distant. Even though this was disappointing, I was happy that she was still relatively healthy.

When I touched down in Melbourne this past week and turned on my cell phone, I got numerous messages and emails asking me to call my parents - Stormy was in big trouble. They were at the vet and was about to put her down. She had what may have been a ruptured invertebral disc...it was causing her a tremendous amount of pain. She was panting and screaming constantly. There was nothing that could be done at this point. It was time to let her go. I was glad I got the chance to say goodbye over the phone and tell her that I love her. I hope she recognized my voice. Even if she didn't, I hope she knew that we all loved her.

Update: Just received a picture of Stormy in her final minutes. I was very happy to hear that her last moments were calm and peaceful. I didn't believe in puppy heaven until now. A dog as awesome as she was deserves no less! :)

When it rains, it pours

2009-12-05T06:06:00.000-05:00

We were totally disgusted by a string of strange events today...

- I found a long hair in my box of maki rolls
- There was a girl smoking in the subway station
- The girl sitting beside her spent 15 minutes picking her face
- The smoker squatted by a post to brush her teeth on the subway platform, putting one hand up beside her face to hide what she's doing, but not being able to hide the toothpaste drool falling onto the floor.
- There was a guy with a super hairy neck at the market
- That same hairy necked man walked behind us for a while and kept stepping on Steve's heels

BLEH!

A walk down memory lane

2009-11-29T06:14:00.001-05:00

I was browsing through some of my old blogs and stumbled across a poem I wrote back in Feb `05. I must admit that I was impressed with what my 23 year old brain came up with!

Deep within

Enlightenment descends
And lightly touches my thoughts
Subtle yet powerful its manner
Quietly waiting for exploration

Time is of no consequence
It smiles in its infinite wisdom
No taunting or precipitance
Quietly waiting for exploration

No ego to bruise, jealousy foreign
Taking a back seat to triviality knowing
A sweet victory for me is certain
Quietly waiting for exploration

Ready and in need the price is paid
Attentive and willing I command it to rise
I explore to the depths of my being
Grateful for its kind patience

- me

Milky Way Dreaming

2009-11-27T20:09:00.003-05:00

I bought my first piece of art! The piece is "Milky Way Dreaming" by Janet Forrester Nangala.

The mythologies, Dreamtime stories and language of the Central Desert Aboriginal people change from region to region. There are several different versions of the one story depending on the area and the family group concerned.

A good example is the ancient story of the Milky Way and Seven Sisters Dreaming.

All over Australia, it is believed that the stars and planets were once men, women and animals in the Creation times. The Milky Way is considered a sacred residence for totemic beings. Such beings are represented in this painting.

Seven sisters walked the earth in creation times. They were being chased tirelessly by an enormous ancestor spirit and their only hope of escaping him was to throw themselves into the sky where they became the soft glowing stars of the Milky Way constellation. However, one sister was caught by the old spirit, and after he took her back to his cave, she encouraged him to eat enough food to make him fall asleep. It was then that she made her escape and rejoined her sisters in the sky.

The Seven sisters are totemic for Janet and she has the right and responsibility to paint this story for future generations. Her mother taught her to paint, and although Janet uses acrylic paint on canvas as opposed to the traditional sand mosaics, she is sure to keep the story intact in its original context and therefore retain the spirit and essence of this important dreaming.

Janet paints the dreamings inherited from her mother and grandmother. Her family connections are in Alice Springs, Maryvale and the Ernabella community. The Australian National Gallery has acquired her Milky Way Dreaming for its permanent collection, and her Bush Banana Dreaming painted on John Farnham’s jeans was auctioned at Sotheby’s to raise money for the medical research institute – Jeans for Genes (1995). Her painting career began in the early 1980s with the IAL and Tjukurrpa artists. Janet’s circular background design represents the never-ending story of life, creation, birth and death.

Moms aren't perfect and that makes me sad

2009-11-19T00:13:00.002-05:00

I used to be very close to my mom. I would tell her everything, constantly seek her approval, look up to her (even when it was through teary eyes as she threatened to slap me across the face with her slipper). It all changed over the stupidest thing – grades! Not to brag or anything, but A’s were fairly easy to get in high school. I had some struggle here and there bus usually managed to pull through. It became slightly harder in university – I actually had to try. Because A’s were harder to come by, it made me more excited about earning one. So I would proudly show her whenever I did. But then she started asking about every single thing I was studying for or working on – things I didn’t want to show her because I got poorer grades—so I decided to show her nothing.

Now that was a superficial change in our relationship – but it was the beginning of a giant snowball soon to follow. Now that I wasn’t showing her my grades, I didn’t really talk about school either. How can you talk about your tests and assignments if you don’t want questions asking how they went? Since school was pretty much the ONLY thing I did during undergrad, there wasn’t much else to talk about. The next thing I knew, I gained a whole whack of life experience over the next handful of years, and started to see my mom has a regular person – an imperfect person.
It was weird. I found that my mom was wrong more and more often and that I totally disagreed with a lot of her personal beliefs and logic. How can this strong intelligent woman think and do such silly things? I think I was fairly angry and impatient about it. I know I should be more accepting and loving, but it’s just not in my nature. I expect little from people in general, but expect perfection from those closest to me. As the veneer cracked, each imperfection would anger me and push me to look for more cracks, until the whole surface crumbled and everyone stood a loser.

When you’re a parent, it must be nice to have your kids look up to you. I imagine it`d be heartbreaking if that ever stops. See truly happy relationships between parents and their children fills my heart with joy. We don’t have an unhappy one – I just wouldn’t call it happy. It must be terrible for her to deal with someone as stubborn and unforgiving as me. Unfortunately, she doesn’t make it easy for me either. She does ridiculous things to get my attention (I think), as her way to get closer to me. But the ridiculousness of what she’s doing makes me so upset with her that I push her away. The further I push her away, the more she wants to get closer and the more ridiculous her antics become. It’s just the way she does it that makes it so hard. I think they only way out is for me to be the bigger person and play nice – but this requires my acceptance that she is imperfect and unable to live up to my standard. I wonder if accepting that and playing nice is better than hoping she’ll be perfect once again but being harsh in the meantime. Probably.

I hope I won’t have this wacky relationship with my children. I’m banking on the fact that they’re nicer to their mother than I am.

Move over Susur Lee...

2009-09-16T03:11:00.005-04:00

...make way for Steve A!

It would be quite a stretch to say that Steve is a fan of fusion food, but he would never let any food faux pas stop him from pleasing his taste buds. Sometimes, however, I wish he would.

This man loves his sauces and condiments. It doesn't matter what he's eating or what sauce is served with it. The more sauce, the better. For whatever reason, he just really likes his food WET. If you've ever looked in our fridge, it's 80% condiments and 20% beer and juice.

In his world, there's no such thing as a wrong food-sauce combination. The first time I became acutely aware of this was at dim sum, when he would dip his food into any sauce he could find on the table. Siu Mai with mayo that came with the deep fried seafood, why not? Short ribs with the sweet and sour sauce that came with dumplings, sure! My relatives seemed quite entertained by the whole thing. I was just happy he found stuff he'd eat at dim sum.

Recently, we had lunch at a HK cafe. At HK cafes, pretty much anything goes. There are so many combinations of meats (chicken, pork, beef, fish, etc.), sauces (tomato, cream, portugese, curry,etc.) and bases (nissan noodles, vermicelli, rice, spaghetti, etc.). Leave it to Steve to come up with just one more.

Steve: I want sweet & sour pork on spaghetti.
Me: WHAT?!
Steve: That sounds good.
Me: No it doesn't...and it's not on the menu.
Steve: But they just missed it. All the other stuff they throw on spaghetti anyway.
Me: Well, I'm not ordering it for you. It's too embarassing.
~waitress comes~
Steve: Can I have the sweet & sour pork but with spaghetti instead of rice?
Waitress: Really? Um...I’ll have to ask.
~waitress goes to the kitchen~
Steve: I’d be pissed if they don’t do it...they serve spaghetti with all the other meats and sauces!
Me: Yea, but what you’re asking for is just gross.
~waitress comes back~
Waitress: Yup we can do it.
~I ordered my stuff in Cantonese~
Steve: Steph, tell her it’s not your fault that I’m weird.
~Waitress laughs~
~Steve’s dish comes~
Waitress: It looks good! No one has ever ordered that before. You’re the first one to try it!
~Waitress laughs at Steve again~

Classic.

We’re all a little more American than we think

2009-08-18T06:34:00.004-04:00

It’s commonly known that it doesn’t hurt to carry a Canadian flag when you travel, whether you’re Canadian or not. The blatant 180 degree change in Ozzies’ demeanour once they find out we`re Canadian (rather than American) is unbelievable. Their eyes light up, they start smiling, and their voices go up an octave. We made friends with an American who is applying for permanent residence in Oz. She is really nice and you can see her physically cringe when she admits there is a stigma attached to being an American abroad. I feel bad for her because all of us are little more American than we think.

After visiting New Zealand and meeting the extremely down-to-earth people there, it made Oz seem like the American big brother in this part of the world. To me, Oz mirrors the US in other ways too. Violent acts of racism in Oz (example 1, example 2) are more likely to occur in the US than Canada. Their immigration policy didn’t allow any minorities to move to Australia until 1970s and presently uses loopholes to keep refugees trapped on Christmas Island in immigration detention facilities. That level of racism was certainly abolished and shunned decades ago in the US and many more decades ago in Canada. Ozzies think that they are very much like Canadians and I don’t have the heart to tell them otherwise.

Canadians mirror Americans too, but not in an offensive way. After observing European influences on Ozzie culture, I realize how Americanized we are at home. Canadian content in the media is embarrassingly low, we spell “organize”, “maximize”, “realize” with “z” instead of “s”. We know more about work than play. We’re not obsessed with soccer, cricket, or rugby. We think Starbucks makes awesome coffee. While these are not terrible things, they indicate that we don’t get off scot-free.

Team Arnold!

2009-07-30T03:38:00.003-04:00

I’ve always been a 9-5 girl. I was happy working for large corporations, with regular working hours and set salaries with benefits. I wanted to do my job well and add value to the company – that’s it. I never wanted to climb the corporate ladder or deal with office politics. If you pay me to use my skills for 40 hours a week and expect nothing more or less, I’m a happy camper.

I was never entrepreneurial. I’m still not. But having taken the opportunity to work with my husband in starting a small business, I realize how I can never go back to a corporate 9-5. I`m in that elusive sweet spot where I`m getting the best of both worlds. He`s the entrepreneur taking the risks and (hopefully) reaping the rewards whereas I`m still a regular employee. I have the security of a salary but the excitement of having an impact on the direction and operation of the business. And with the excitement driving me, I don`t mind working late in the night or over weekends. Since there are so many different things that need to get done at the start-up phase, I don`t feel pigeon-holed into doing one set of boring tasks using a restricted set of boring skills. I finally feel like I`m getting to be paid to be me (or at least, my own biased perception of me) – an analytical, efficient, smart person with a business background and wicked Excel skills. If it weren`t for the fact that our strengths are almost completely exclusive of one another`s, I wouldn’t have the luxury of doing what I do best. What can I say...we make a great team!

An unintended upside of working together is that we whenever we disagree, it`s only about work! And since we live and work in close quarters, we had to learn to ``get over it``` very quickly. We`re usually back to being a happy couple before the end of the bus ride home. Sometimes, we really impress me!

To tip or not to tip

2009-06-27T10:16:00.005-04:00

Apparently tipping is not customary. While some places have tipping jars/bowls, they don't expect much more than loose change. But if you're at a nice restaurant, apparently tipping is the norm. It's hard for us to differentiate between the two types of establishments. Even if we could, we always always always feel bad about not leaving anything. It almost seems rude! Even when there was hair in my food and we had to force the manager to acknowledge the issue and apologize, we tipped. :S

Breaking a sweat...but not really

2009-06-27T09:25:00.004-04:00

I got my GymStick today! I only tried a few exercises and now my shoulders, arms, and back feel like jelly. My muscles gave out before I even broke a sweat haha. Good thing I got the one with "medium" resistance. I don't think I can handle "strong" because it's for "fit women" (and men and athletes). :S As I've always said, strength is not one of my strengths.

I also want to start running but it's harder than I thought because my knees and feet ache from walking around Sydney. As soon a I get home, I have to sit down and make Steben rub my heels. I'll start with working out for now until my feet get more used to the walking before I graduate to running.

Take a look...it's in a book...a reading rainboooooooooow

2009-06-27T09:13:00.005-04:00

I rediscovered my love of reading. It was simply a matter of making time, which is surprisingly easy to do when you don't have tv. I also lucked out with some quality books.

The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls
Still Alice by Lisa Genova
The Cellist of Sarajevo by Steven Galloway
The 10pm Question by Kate De Goldi (NZ)
The Slap by Christos Tsiolkas (AUS)

I just started The Slap. I was very proud that I was able to find award-winning books by authors of the countries I visited. As a bonus, I bought and read them in their respective countries.

I also read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith. I enjoyed it, just not as much as I expected because it wasn't an easy book to read. I don't think I've read a book written in language from that era since high school. I also read Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult. It's always nice to read a page-turner. They give you a different kind of satisfaction than quality literature.

I can't wait until someone visits me so I can share the books with them. If you visit me and are a reader, no need to bring books for the flight back. I'll hook you up!

My observations on Auckland thus far...

2009-06-18T18:54:00.006-04:00

The weather is fickle. The sky can't figure out if it wants to pour or drown us in sunshine. It changes every 10 minutes. Either way though, it's COLD.
The people here are extremely friendly and love to chat.
Auckland reminds me more of home than Sydney.
Bus drivers have a really good relationship with their passengers. Everyone thanks the drivers as they leave. When the bus driver is done for the night, they say "see yous" to the whole bus. When they are just starting for the night, they say "good evening". One of the drivers got off the bus to make sure we knew how to get to the museum because she could see us looking aimlessly around. Precious!
They don't have pennies or nickels.
They have a closer relationship with their native people, the Maori, then we do with ours.
They do not have lactase pills.
The landscape is quite hilly.

My observations on Sydney thus far...

2009-06-08T05:52:00.004-04:00

Men really like skinny jeans...a lot.
They don't have pennies so you lose money from rounding.
People inexplicably give us the wrong change regularly so we lose even more money.
Women are well dressed - no Lulu pants or TNA sweaters in sight.
Most things are 50-100% more expensive here than they are back home.
A very high percentage of retail space is dedicated to food.
There are lots of cafes that specialize in chocolates.
Meat pies are everywhere.
Lots of restaurants have the same menu but charge different prices throughout the day and week (i.e. weekend surcharge).

Care packages please!

2009-06-02T03:36:00.005-04:00

I can't find any normal toiletries here! My facewash and toothpaste brands are nowhere to be found. Worst of all, neither are Always or Tampax!!! So I went with the most expensive sanitary napkins available, only to find it's little more than paper with tabs. I guess that's what "cottony feel with wings" means. SON OF A...!!!

I'll also run out of my regular mints soon. So if you come to visit, make sure you bring me pads, tampons, mints, toothpaste, and/or facewash. :)

Cute weather forecasts

2009-05-30T01:28:00.003-04:00

Straight from the Bureau of Metereology:

Fine
Mostly fine
Fog clearing
A shower or two
Moderate to fresh southwest to southeast winds

Getting a phone plan is harder than you'd think

2009-05-30T01:01:00.005-04:00

Phone plans are apparently described in gibberish. Here is an example:

The prepaid $100 Turbo Cap plan gives you:
- $100 MyCredit
- $800 MyBonus
- $600 Pre-paid money
- 1GB My Data

We have to ask about system access fees, voicemail, call display, etc. You're not allowed to add extra things to the plans (i.e. $5 for unlimited weekends or upgrade your data plan). Worst of all, we need to open a bank account just to get a phone plan! The banks were closed today so this will have to wait until Monday.

Really didn't think I'd be homesick

2009-05-30T00:38:00.003-04:00

But I am. In fact, I started getting homesick in Hawaii. As silly as it sounds, I didn't fully appreciate how far "half way across the world" really is until the 12 hr flight to Hawaii and being only halfway to our final destination. I miss my dog. I miss my friends. I miss my house. I miss my family. I miss Toronto food. I miss familiarity.

Once we get settled and I have a better feel for the city, I'm sure I'll feel better. Aside from having Steve by my side, I feel really isolated at the moment. I hope people really do come and visit us when they said they would. I could definitely use some friendly faces!

I envy people who are passionate about their work

2009-05-10T22:19:00.003-04:00

Or do I?

I like my job. For something that I have to do 8 hrs a day to make a living, I enjoy it. Do I love it, no? Are there jobs that I would be passionate about? Probably. Am I qualified for them? Probably not.

I've always envied people who are passionate about their work. But I wonder how they feel about other things. I think what I really envy are people who are passionate about their life. Work is a necessary evil. It's exponentially more impressive if you have a crappy job and can still be passionate about life.

I'm using the term "envy" loosely. I'm in a very good place right now where I don't envy anyone. I don't know if I'm in the "passionate about life" category. I think I'm in the "happy and grateful about life" category. I wonder if I'm too lazy to be passionate haha.

To be or not to be

2009-04-13T22:40:00.001-04:00

"...the most important thing I've learned is that being right means sh*t. All it does is place your own pride over the feelings of the other person." ~ehbaba

Happy 28th birthday to me!

2009-03-08T22:38:00.007-04:00

I remember envisioning what my life would be like when I hit 28 years of age. I think I'm pretty much where I thought I'd be: happily married, living in a house, and generally settled with life. The only difference is that I thought my career would be much more important to me than it is now. Rather than being an ambitious career woman and the bread winner of the family, I am looking forward forward to retiring early and being a housewife (albeit a highly and expensively educated housewife who hates house chores).

Of course, things will change and I can't base what my future is like on this sliver of time. But we've been very fortunate the past few years and were able to enjoy some luxuries in life that neither of us dared to expect. Since life is always full of ups and downs, I do expect rough waters ahead. I'm neither a "half-empty" nor "half-full" type of person; I'm just a realist. Fact: the glass contains 50% air and 50% water.

It seemed as though it's always been really easy to look ahead and guess what life would be like in 5-10 years. However, I can't fathom where I would be in my mid to late 30s. Maybe I never bothered to look past 28. Maybe there are fewer milestones to look forward to after my 20s. Or, maybe I'm mature enough to realize that it's not about seeing what's ahead of you, but what's around you.

It's mostly cuz my friends are awesome...

2009-03-04T21:53:00.006-05:00

Steben can be social with everyone and genuinely enjoys doing it. Hanging out with people outside my tight circle of friends make me uncomfortable. So when we host a social event, we would disagree over the guest list. ALWAYS. He would want to invite as many people as possible. I would only want to invite a few of my friends and a few of his. We had one of these conversations earlier tonight.

Him: I want to invite ABC over.
Me: No.
Him: But it'll be a big group so I didn't think it would be a problem.
Me: No. I don't want ABC in my house. Oh, by the way, can my brother stay over this Friday night?
Him: Yea, of course. No problem!
~He looks at me and smiles~
Me: Ok, wait. It's different with my people cuz my friends are awesome.
Him: No, it's because I'm easy going.
Me: Ok, yes, but it's cuz my friends are awesome.
Him: No, it's because I'm easy going.
Me: Yes, but MOSTLY cuz my friends are awesome.
Him: You're going to blog about this aren't you?
Me: Hahaha, probably.
Him: You should call it "it's mostly cuz my friends are awesome dot dot dot"

Et voila. But honestly, though, my friends are really awesome! Even his birthday parties are better attended by my friends than his. I love my friends!

Butter me up, I'm on a roll!

2009-02-22T18:43:00.003-05:00

~knock on wood~

I've been reminded by a friend of mine how awesome my life is right now. And she's nailed it right on the head. I am one lucky gal and have been for the past year. While everyone has conflicts and drama here and there, me included, I haven't had to deal with any major hurdles. And I do recognize that I've been very blessed lately, but it always helps to be reminded so I can fully take it in while it lasts.

While some of it has to do with luck, lots of it has to do with the work I put it earlier in life to help me fully take advantage of the situation when it arises. A lot of my friends are in school or very early in their family and career life. I'm secretly excited for them to finally have that breakthrough year when everything aligns in their favour.

25 random facts about me

2009-02-15T21:41:00.004-05:00

Even though this list is posted on Facebook, I'm posting it here as well for me to read the next time I'm bored enough to go through all my previous posts.

1. The only chain/junk e-mails I get are from my parents.

2. I'd rather miss a call on the house phone then risk talking to a telemarketer. I won't even listen to the 20+ voicemails that are on the machine in case one of them left a message.

3. The closer you are to me, the more you hear about (and in some cases, be a part of) my #2 experiences.

4. Strength is not one of my strengths - neither are speed and endurance. And yet, I am still bitter that I wasn't named the Gr. 8 Female Athlete of the Year.

5. I hate it when the ends of my hair flick outward.

6. I don't like standing, walking, running, cleaning, or sweating...among many other things.

7. I won't take medicine unless it's in pill form, thanks to the the lack of cherry/banana/chocolate/anything flavoured chemicals I had to drink as a child.

8. I thoroughly enjoy cherries but hate all things cherry-flavoured.

9. I once sang along with the "Best of Air Supply" CD for 30min without realizing it was stuck on "repeat" on the first song for the full half hour.

10. My brother and I had matching rat tails when I was aged 10-17.

11. I don't know the words to the French version of the national anthem. But I can make the sounds that make it damn close though.

12. I have trouble remembering how to write the "Wai" in my Chinese name.

13. I don't like hoodies because of the way the hood bunches up under my jacket and/or against the back of a chair/car seat.

14. My favourite commercial of all time was the Dominion one about fresh baguettes (Bonjours. Je m'apelle Bill. Ou est Pierre? Pierre est dans la salle de bain. Oooooh. Je travailles dans la discotheque. Ouvret la fenetre, gratuit. Jus de frambois. Mmmmm. Ahhhh. Bibliotheque!)

15. My favourite french words are: frommage, poisson, ordinateur, calculatrice, pantalons, and bibliotheque.

16. I consider Charmain as toilet paper of the stars.

17. I don't wear make up because I'd rather sleep in those 5 extra minutes in the morning.

18. I love the way a fresh pair of cotton underwear feels. To Steve's dismay, I feel exactly the opposite about all other types of underwear.

19. My dream job would be to write for a wickedly funny sitcom.

20. Instead of screaming, I laugh silently on roller coasters...not because it's funny...it's just a thing I do.

21. I share a birthday with Joe Carter.

22. I've been to the North York General ER 4 times: 1) to get stitches for a laceration on my right index finger, 2) to get an Xray after having my foot run over by a car, 3) to remove my earring after it got stuck INSIDE my ear lobe, and 4) to get an xray on my ring finger after badly spraining it during a basketball game at recess

23. I would love to see Federer beat Sampras' record for Grand Slam wins. Then after Federer retires, I would love to see Rafa match Feds' accomplishments.

24. I was worried about identity theft when I signed up for Friendster. My name was "Steph Last Name". That's why no one could find me via the name search function.

25. I treat my closest friends as if they are my worst enemies.

A surprise belated Xmas present from my husband :)

2009-01-09T19:43:00.008-05:00

I was fooled into bringing my car into the mechanic to get an "updated part" put in. It struck me as strange because I have never heard of updated car parts. But what do I know? So I shurgged it off, brought it in, and VOILA...a new body kit!

The side flares are usually left black but I'm glad they were textured and painted to match the body. Not only does it look WAAAAY BETTER, it also differentiates my kit from the other JCW kits. =)

I don't do spontaneous

2009-01-05T23:31:00.011-05:00

It became very apparent to me today that I am one uptight lady.

We're going down to the ACC this Sunday afternoon for the Raptors-Celtics game (go Raps!). As soon as I decided I'd like to have a late lunch downtown, the rest of my day was consumed with planning this Sunday's agenda.

Meal
After an hour of Googling and Google Mapping different combinations of "restaurants", "zagat", "chowhound", "downtown", "ACC", "toronto", and "reviews", I finally found a restaurant that not only would I want to try, but one that I know Steve would LOVE to try (Beer Bistro...need I say more?). After verifiying that it is only a nine minute walk from the ACC, I called to make reservations right away to avoid any surprises.

Weather
Since we will be walking for a full nine minutes (or however long it takes me to walk 0.9km), I wanted to make sure the weather that day would cooperate. Unfortunately, the long-term forecast shows isolated furries with a frigid -17C low brought by 20km/h winds.

Parking
Not only do I need to find parking that would minimize the walk to/from the ACC, Beer Bistro, and the parking facility, I now want it along the downtown PATH so I could stay indoors for as long as possible. I hate being overcharged for downtown parking so I also looked for reasonable rates. While the TD underground lots charge $10 on Sundays (12hrs), they charge $20 if there is an event. Since I'm not sure if the Raptors game counts as an "event", I don't want to take that chance. The First Canadian Place charges $8 all day Sunday (24hrs) regardless of what's going on (or not going on). Although the research took an hour, the satisfaction of finding the perfect place to park this Sunday was worth it.

Maps
I emailed all the information to my work email so I could print the PATH maps tomorrow and mark down the entrances to the parking facility and the location of the restaurant.

Now I can sleep in peace.

Wedding post

2008-10-25T20:23:00.006-04:00

I tried starting this post unsuccessfully a few times. I couldn't describe my wedding week as articulately as I'd like. Rather than give up, I'll offer my memories in tidbits instead.

Trust
Planning a wedding 1700km away had its advantages. With the exception of the venue and the menu, I didn't care too much about anything else. We did make a trip to PEI to choose the venue, but left everything else to online research and word-of-mouth. Me not caring helped; the importance of word-of-mouth to businesses in PEI also helped. The vendors we chose were at the top of their field and/or came highly recommended by friends. It helped to know that we didn't need to worry about the quality of their work since we didn't get to meet them until days before the wedding. The only smudge on that record is the hair/makeup. But the pictures turned out beautifully so everything still worked out.

Friends
My friends are awesome. Unfortunately, I was not able to invite as many people as I'd like and some could not make the trip in such short notice. Those that could make it made the day SO MUCH FUN! I didn't expect the day to be fun but I had a great time. I ate, I laughed, I teared (not really...but Cam made it close), and I danced. I NEVER DANCE! It helped that Anne and Tina were making such great fools of themselves that I felt it took all attention of me. =) I probably didn't spend as much time as I should with the other guests but I just couldn't leave my girls.

Out of town guests
I think Steve put too much effort into entertaining the out of town guests. I can see where he is coming from because he wanted everyone to have a good time (which they did) but it turned out to be too stressful at times. It would've been fine if the weather cooperated. We had planned for everyone to go deep sea fishing the afternoon they arrived. Since there was a Nor'easter, fishing had to be postponed and people were left without any planned activities that first day. Even though it was Steve that dealt with most of the stress, it took his time and attention away from enjoying the whole process (which affected me indirectly).

Reverend
Our reverend was recommended by Steve's uncle and he was EXCELLENT. We had nothing to do with it. We just lucked out. =) He was passionate and personal. He made the ceremony much more than the obligatory words and actions.

Food
Let's just say two of our guests ordered second entrees. Who does that????? At least they liked the food. :S

Groomsmen
If I could do it again, I would make sure there was plenty of food and beer outside where we were taking pictures so we wouldn't lose the groomsmen to the beer, canapes, and oyster bar indoors.

The courtesy flush is underrated!

2008-10-22T14:14:00.002-04:00

A few months ago, I overheard someone give the courtesy flush in the bathroom at work. I couldn't help thinking that she was drawing unnecessary attention to what she was doing. My strategy has always been to keep the sploshing down and keep my feet tucked back and out of sight. I did not want to be seen or heard. That way, no one will know what I'm doing (or, at least, who's doing it), right?

I don't know why it has never occured to me to consider the biggest someone-is-doing-a-number-two-right-now clue of all...le stink. And boy, could it ever! After giving the courtesy flushes a try (or two, or three, or...etc.), I've concluded that while it draws attention to your "activities", the flush also spares others from being forced to be a part of them.

Wedding nightmare turned blessing

2008-08-18T22:07:00.005-04:00

The night before last, I dreamt that it was my wedding day. I had a jolly good time relaxing in the hotel room with my girls. I suddenly thought to ask "what time is it?" and was shocked to find that it was 4pm. The ceremony was suppose to start at 3pm and no one thought to tell me to get ready?!

Not only was I late, after a fury of chaos, I found that I had no dress. No one could figure out why I didn't have a dress. It wasn't clear whether I didn't buy one or whether it was left at home. There was just shock and lots of running around. The panic of the situation jolted me out of my dream.

So now that I think about the stress I have been feeling recently about things not being as prepared as I'd like, I realize the panic I feel now is nothing compared to the heart attack I had in my dream. Not only did the dream put things in perspective and lower my stress level, it has inexplicably made me extremely excited about the wedding (I'm not one to get excited about anything more than a day in advance). The nightmare turned out to be a pleasant blessing in disguise. =)

It smells in here

2008-06-06T22:30:00.005-04:00

I'm always weary of scents in public bathrooms, including the one at work.

There was a unique scent in the bathroom yesterday...it smelled like food. I didn't notice it until I heard a conversation between two ladies while I was...umm...occupied.

It smells like food in here!
Hmmm...delicious!

I didn't notice the smell but thought it was a weird place to think delicious thoughts.

Today, I noticed the scent of food for the first time and was reminded of Chinese food. I finally realized what it smelled like...dumplings!

tee hee...it took me a second to figure out my own pun. =)

Happy belated 27th birthday to meeeeee

2008-03-13T22:41:00.003-04:00

I have been conscious of the fact that I've gotten less excited about my birthday each year...even so, this year really surprised me. I really didn't care at ALL that it was my birthday the week before OR the day of!

That is, of course, until I came home from work and found a Mini Cooper S sitting in the garage. Confused, I went inside to find Steve jumping up and down, thrusting his fists in the air. I was in total shock. NOW, I'm getting excited about my birthday!

Thanks to the blizzard on Saturday and the business trip to Edmonton from Sunday to Wednesday, I didn't get to drive it until today. IT...KICKS...ASS. I thought I loved my Civic. Driving the Mini really puts things in perspective...I really really really liked my Civic and absolutely LOVE my Mini!

ye ye ye ye ye ye ye

I hate talking on the phone...but this was worth it

2008-01-24T18:07:00.000-05:00

I went to the Esso touchless car wash around the corner to get all the salt and grime off my car. Since I stock up on those car wash codes in advance, I didn't need to stop in the store at all. Once my car got spiffed up, I went toward the dryer only to realize that it didn't work. SON OF A...!!!

So I went in the store to notify the operator of the problem and to ask for a credit so I can rewash my car. Not only was he unwilling, he was rude and dismissive. If that weren't enough, he lied! He kept telling me that there was a sign posted on the keypad. I told him I did not see it. We repeated ourselves another five to six times before he said, "there's nothing I can do". He told me to come back tomorrow morning and speak to his manager. I asked for their names and left.

I was about to get back into my car but couldn't resist walking over to the keypad to check out "the sign". How could I miss a sign posted on that little code box? Apparently, I couldn't, because there was no sign there. NOW, I'M REALLY PISSED.

I went back in to tell him that there was no sign. Instead of protesting, he went straight back to the "there's nothing I can do" strategy. To gauge how much he cared about this, I asked if I could call Customer Service to get my credit. I expected him to talk me out of it. Instead, he encouraged me and told me about how someone else got a bunch of points from calling. He added that there are a whole bunch of problems in the area and I should really, really call.

WHAT IS GOING ON? I guess he thought I'd go to complain about the car wash and that it would get me off his back. Instead, I called to complain about HIM. I have a ridiculous number of points so that wasn't the issue. I understand equipment breaks down from time to time. If I was the first victim or had he been more polite, I would've forgotten the whole thing. But I was not the first one and he was a rude liar. Momentarily fueled by my anger to overcome my hatred for phone conversations, I called customer service. The agent handling my car was GREAT. He took down all the details, repeating them several times to make sure he had everything down just right. He agreed that the car wash should have been closed and that the operator could have given me another wash code to use when the car wash has been fixed (so much for his "there's nothing I can do" defence). He also told me that someone will get back to me regarding this issue.

I'm glad I made that call. Now the coporation has an official record of my complaint. They're also going to look into it before getting back to me. Talking to his manager may have gotten me the credit I was looking for in the first place, but I doubt very much would have been done about the operator's behaviour. Besides, I'm at work in the morning. I don't have time to drive around the city chasing a potential free credit.

Beware rude retail people (remember the Feet First story?)...I will log complaints with your company AND on my blog.

Back in the work force

2008-01-11T14:08:00.000-05:00

Yes, it has been a while. I have been unemployed for about nine months - some of it was intentional, some of it was not. Looking for a job got to be quite tedious. I wanted a role that suited my skills but most of them required more experience than I had. Fortunately for me, finances were comfortable so I did not have to settle for something I didn't want.

I got the news earlier this month that I got the job I was interested in. It is exciting and nerve-wrecking at the same time - exciting because it's a unique role in the Canadian division of a leading global company, nerve-wrecking because it's a new role with no precedence and little guidelines. What makes it worse is that they were looking for someone with more experience but decided to go with me because of my Chem Eng background - specifically organic chemistry. I hope my lack of experience and lack of interest in organic chemistry doesn't hurt me. Luckily for the latter, I only need to understand how the products work.

While I am geared to start working again this Monday (just in time for our newly acquired mortgage payments!), I realize more than ever that I am completely fine with being an overly-educated housewife. There are only two downsides that make me hesitate. One, I've always been used to supporting myself financially and find it weird to get money from my hubby. Two, if I need to get back in the workforce somewhere down the road, I think it'd be next to impossible to find a decent job. My degrees and experience will be too far out of date. But I don't have to worry about that right now. At the moment, I just have to worry about getting up 6 hours earlier than I normally do Monday to Friday.

It's just the way I'm built

2007-11-27T01:38:00.000-05:00

[inspired by Chong's post]

I try to think back to the time before my first love. I vaguely remember wanting to have a boyfriend because not having one implied you were not desirable. But once I had my first taste of love, I knew it went way beyond feeling wanted.

I have to love. I need to love. I am most happy when I can love someone utterly and completely. And if that weren't enough, I also need to do it well. I finally found the perfect answer to "what do you look for in a guy": I want someone who deserves my love. (I suppose it's the engineer in me. You can't be wrong if you go back to first principles. I prefer to think that I've simplified my answer rather than have given a vague one.)

I used to think it's silly when people think that their purpose in life is to be a mom. What a backward goal! But now I think I can relate a little bit. When there is something you enjoy doing, need to be doing, and are so good at doing, it can feel like it was what you were built to do. I feel I am built to love.

Public discharges

2007-11-12T23:14:00.000-05:00

When I need to do anything other than #1 in a public washroom, I try to be as discreet as possible. The human body doesn't make pleasant noises when it discharges unwanted material. I feel that my attempts to hide noises by blending it with others or by producing them in short staccato spurts that are hopefully short enough that they're unnoticeable should be reciprocated

So what is up with people that do as they please? Bathroom stalls are just that...stalls. They're not sound-proof rooms. I don't want to know what you're doing in there. Even though you can't help it if your business smells, I would still appreciate it if you're discreet when it comes to nasty sounds [and is it really necessary to make pushing noises?].

Pick me!

2007-11-01T14:54:00.000-04:00

I watched Iron Chef: America last night. Chef David Burke and "Iron Chef" Bobby Flay battled using lamb. The judges were Jewel, a food & wine magazine editor, and a news anchor. I found it odd that none of them was an actual food critic. However, it wasn't as odd as the fact that Jewel and the news anchor were chosen presumably based on the fact that they eat food on a daily basis.

What is the criteria for selecting these judges? It seems to me that they set the bar pretty low. What will it take to get me on that show? I'm sure I'd do a much better job than Jewel. I know I wouldn't say things like "I'm not familiar with lamb" or "You see so much sauce with your eyes but it tastes so translucent". Question one: how else do you see other than with your eyes? Question two: is translucent another word for bland?

I would love to see Chef Gordon Ramsay and Simon Cowell be judges on that show. The three of us would have so much fun. =)

My first meal using proper tools

2007-10-21T21:19:00.000-04:00

So I got to try out my first meal and it was not bad for the first attempt.

I made rigatoni with a tuna-tomato-red onion-chili sauce tossed with basil and Parmesan cheese. Note to self: if you leave the sauce to simmer and boil without a cover (I don't have one for the pan), all the saucy goodness may evaporate away and leave you with tomato-flavoured tuna rather than an actual sauce.

I also made potato rosti with garlic and rosemary. I have now confirmed that I do not like rosemary. Note to self: do not overdo it with the rosemary. I lost about half my meal when I used damp waxed paper to compress the rosti. I guess it wasn't "damp" enough. Note to self: there is a difference between "wetted" and "damp".

When I was moving around the stove, I forgot that the handle of the pan was still really hot from cooking the rosti in the oven. I didn't make enough room when reaching over the handle and burned my inner arm. It still hurts. Note to self: push hot things to the side and avoid touching them.

The food was half-decent and the lessons were plentiful. Not bad for the first attempt.

Retail therapy...it felt really good

2007-10-19T16:28:00.000-04:00

I bought a LOT of goodies from Kitchen Stuff Plus. As I was telling Mel, it felt better than buying a fierce pair of shoes, a cute purse, or a flattering top. I think it's because you can't feel guilty buying a pot...a really GOOD pot.

So here is a list of what I got:
Henckels Classic chef's knife
Henckels Twinsharp knife sharpener
Non-stick oven-safe stock pot with a twist-and-lock cover that has a glass window and holes for straining pasta (if that weren't enough, it's non-stick on the outside too so it's easier to wash!!)
Salad spinner with a brake button (the outer bowl doubles as a salad bowl)
Silicone whisk, spatula, thongs, and ladle
Dual pepper and sea salt grinder
Meat thermometer
Oven thermometer
Wooden cutting board
Set of collapsible measuring spoons

I haven't cooked anything yet but I'm excited to use the stuff. I bought the new Cook with Jamie cookbook yesterday and had already gone through it cover to cover. I know what my first meal is going to be!

Political apathy

2007-10-01T11:20:00.000-04:00

Political groups have specific messages geared toward young adults (i.e. Don't Let Others Speak For You). One of their advertisements even popped up on my Facebook home page! Is no place sacred for my apathy?

Up to now, I voted at every opportunity. I was proud not to be one of what the media portrayed as irresponsible young adults who avoided their civic duty. When McGuinty took office, I felt very optimistic. He was a younger/fresher guy who seemed honest and able to serve his province. I can't remember now what issue it was, but I do remember him breaking his voters' (more importantly, MY) trust within days of being the Ontario premiere. Nowadays, it seems like you don't choose the candidate you want. You just choose the candidate you depise or distrust least. That makes me sad.

You know you're bored when....

2007-09-28T01:09:00.000-04:00

...you get angry that your friends on Facebook don't update enough to ease you of your boredom and then you post about it at 1:09 in the morning.

2007 Phoenix Cup CHAMPIONS!!

2007-08-12T12:36:00.000-04:00

It felt so good.

This is the first tournament win our club has claimed. And my team did it! Not only were we the only team to beat the long-time reigning champs on the road to victory (we split our match in the round-robin and beat them in a one-set match in the semi-finals), we also beat our club's A-team in the finals to win it all!

I definitely wouldn't say that it was validation because we were by far the underdogs in the playoffs. With so many young players on our team, it was good to see our potential at its fullest yesterday. While our play was mediocre during the round-robin, we played inspired and intense volleyball in the playoffs to pull it off. We scrapped up a win in the semis when the other team made a late game surge and saw our 22-14 lead completely disintegrate. We squeaked by with a 27-25 win. We came from behind in the finals after a lousy 1-5 start to win it 25-23. My heart stopped many times in the playoffs and was glad when it was all over because I had nothing left in the tank.

Thanks to the Reddies who were there and fought hard the whole day. =)

Heaven and hell

2007-06-25T22:24:00.000-04:00

In the midst of a discussion on religion this past Saturday, the question "do you believe in heaven and hell?" was posed. I could not answer the question back in July 2005:
I still haven’t been able to wrap my head around the idea that our short time on earth destines us a place in either heaven or hell for eternity. And I say again: there’s no point in worrying about something out of my control. If that exists, I’m sure I will be taken care of one way or another if I lead a good life on earth. It’ll just be the cherry on top of an already delicious sundae [I hope I am not overly optimistic in hoping that I will either be cured of my lactose intolerance or that there exists lactose free sundaes in heaven].

As a child, I thought heaven and hell were physical concepts. This time around, a new concept came to me. We hear from people who survived [obviously] near-death experiences that their lives flashed before their lives when they thought they were going to die. I think that when you realize your life is about to end, reliving your experiences in that split-second could feel like a lifetime. If you lived a good life and reviewed scenes from it, it would probably give you a comforting sense of satisfaction. If you lived a bad life and reviewed scenes from it, the regret that rush you must tortue you for what feels like an eternity.

A solid 4 on the girly-girl scale

2007-06-21T15:00:00.000-04:00

I was always about a 1.5 on the girly-girl scale and was completely comfortable there. The rise started when Steve would not let me buy anymore polo tops (the compromise is that I can still wear the ones I currently own). And after getting hooked on buying nice clothes in Florida malls, I look for daintier pieces with nicer fabrics. Next, he got me a manicure, pedicure, facial, and make-up lesson as part of my Christmas present a year and a half ago. Just last month, I cashed in my birthday spa certificate from him for gel nail tips on my fingers for graduation. I'm also hooked on having pretty nails and will probably maintain them in some way from now on. This spring, I bought lots of pretty heels and sandals and get giddy when I look at nice shoes.

So now I consider myself a 4 on the girly-girl scale and am completely comfortable here. Any further increase needs to be supported by a generous cash flow. Every move up so far required investment. Pretty tops cost a lot more polo tops. I'd do my own nails if I could handle it...but I can't. I spent three hours trying to paint my toe nails and still did a crappy job because it kept smudging and clumping. I would've redone them for the 5th time if it weren't actually time to leave by then. So manicures and pedicures will put a dent in my pocket now and then.

Just let me enjoy my drive!

2007-05-20T20:00:00.000-04:00

Bad drivers bother me very much - some more than others. Here is the list in order of least to most vexing:

Bad drivers
Bad drivers who don't know they're bad drivers
Bad drivers who don't know they're bad drivers and almost hit you
Bad drivers who don't know they're bad drivers, almost hit you, then beep you
Bad drivers who don't know they're bad drivers, almost hit you, then beep you in a cowardly way as they drive past you as you are waiting to make a turn

Some people can't help but be scared of driving because they don't have enough experience or the innate skill. But if your bad driving skills lead to me almost getting hit, you should give me the wave to apologize and not beep me as if I were at fault. And if you're ignorant and choose to give me the horn, don't do it a cowardly way. This punk-arse middle-aged dude tried to come into my lane with my car beside him that he had to swerve to miss me. I forgave him in my mind and went into the left turn lane and waited for traffic to clear so I could make the turn. A few seconds later, I heard a horn and looked around to find its source. I see the dude in his van driving past me. He had to peer over his shoulder to give me "the look" because he didn't beep me until after his van passed my car. By the time I realized what had happened, it was too late for me to return my "WHAT THE HECK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, YOU COWARD" beep. It was so aggravating that my heart was pounding for the rest of my trip.

All I'm trying to do is get from point A to point B. Please let me do that in peace.

I'm (almost) always right

2007-05-10T18:30:00.000-04:00

My last blog mentioned that "I'm pretty much right all the time". It made me think about why other people are wrong so often. Is it me or is it them?

I don't know how it all started. I think I got it from my mom. Between her and my dad, she was right the majority of the time. I will admit that she is right quite often. BUT, not as frequently as me. I have yet to meet someone who is right a greater majority of the time than I am. I'm pretty sure it would annoy the heck out of me.

It probably came about for two reasons. First, there was a subconscious competition about who would be right more of the time between my mom and I. Second, I wanted to avoid hearing the words "I told you so" because it makes you feel uber-sucky. Now that we figured out how it began, how am I so magnificently able to accomplish being right most of the time? I think it has to do with carefully selecting what I say. I'm very aware of the limits of my knowledge and if something falls outside of that realm, I'm not going to make crap up. I'd openly admit that I didn't know. And if I were to hazard a guess, I would honestly use words such as "I think" or "probably" and avoid making absolute statements. That leaves very little room for being wrong.

There's a big difference between being right many times and being right most of the time. I don't know enough about everything to be right many times. I fall in the latter category. That is probaby [moreso, hopefully] why it's not annoying when I'm right. I'm not a know-it-all [I know very very litte...but I do know entropy is always increasing i.e. delta S >0 haha]. I think being aware of my boundaries and not making fluff up are good things. I'm awesome [this is one absolute statement that I'm absolutely willing to make!].

A very belated HAPPY 26TH BIRTHDAY TO MEEEE!

2007-05-09T14:03:00.000-04:00

Yes, I do realize I am months behind on this entry. I have been putting it off because I am lazy - quelle suprise. When I reflected on my 25th year, all I thought about were lovey dovey thoughts about Steve and I didn't want to make people puke or fall asleep by talking about them. So how do I address this problem? In true Stebanie style, I think about the less glorious events that took place in our relationship and what I learned from them. Although these lessons may still cause people to fall asleep, at least they won't be puking on their keyboards.

Lesson 1: Habits take time to change
When there are things about someone that bothers you (and vice versa) to a point that they requrie changing, it takes time for them to get to a point where the new habits are done automatically and subconsciously without fail. Although it sounds obvious - as most lessons in hindsight do - it really takes longer than you think. It's not that the actions themselves are difficult to execute, it's the change in mindset that is the major hurdle (or...for my Skule friends...the "limiting step"). While they're adopting the new thought process, try to stay positive by reminding yourself that they care enough to try to change parts of themsleves for you.

Lesson 2: People deal with stress differently
Some people would rather not deal with the stress after it reaches a certain point. They think that debating the difference in opinion adds on additional stress. I'm the opposite. I'm a very deliberate and logical thinker. I need to analyze what went wrong in the situation itself, in how I reacted, and in how I perceived cues from the other person. This takes a while because you can't make an accurate analysis until your emotions are calmed. Then you have to engage the other person in the evaluation because they were a big part of the stress stimulus. This is often difficult when the other person would rather not deal with the stress any longer. But, in my mind, I'd rather work it out now to prevent the same mistake from being made in the future, as vexing as it is. I haven't been able to figure out how to work things about between two people who deal with stress so differnetly. I guess that may be a lesson to be learned for my 26th year.

Lesson 3: It's tough not to make his stresses your own
When there are unfair things going on his life, it's hard to not make those your problems. Telling him and pushing him to fix those issues are all too easy. I've realized that this actually doubles his stresses. It's not that he doens't want to fix those problems, it's just that it's easier said than done because his hands are tied (i.e. the jerk is his friend, not yours). I think better support would be to listen and empathize. He knows what he needs to do in an ideal situation and doesn't really need to hear it from you. He just needs someone to listen to him so he can release the tension.

Lesson 4: I'm right
I'm pretty much right all the time. There's nothing wrong with that if you don't rub it in.

Just when you thought you got away from this entry without puking, I must share with you the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Me: Does it bother you when I'm right all the time?
Steve: No, because we're a team. So when you're right, we're right.

Do good luck charms really work?

2007-05-08T14:41:00.000-04:00

I had this discussion with Melody "I heart" Chong (or Chong for short) recently and wanted to share it.

This conversation happened shortly after I started reading the book Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. In it, he makes a few points, which includes "trust your gut" and "quick judgements can be as accurate as data- and scientific-based decisions". I think good luck charms don't really give you any good luck per se, but they do boost your confidence. This confidence, in turn, allows you to be comfortable in trusting your gut rather than have you talk yourself talk out of what was likely an accurate judgement.

Side note: I'm hoping that Gladwell will get to how to identify and trust our gut instincts. Right now, he's boring me with stupid stories.

Stop calling it a disease and smarten up

2007-05-03T18:35:00.000-04:00

It bothers me when people call their short-comings "diseases" and throw their hands up in despair. I am thinking specifically of alcoholism, obesity, and eating disorders. It's difficult to feel sorry for people who know better.

One of the more memorable stories told in one of my first year classes was how cigarettes gained their popularity. The manufacturers sent packs of cigarettes to its soliders overseas with the promise that smoking them would calm their nerves. There were no warnings about possible short-term or long-term side effects. The soliders eventually became addicted to them. I feel sorry for this bunch because they did not know better. They were unaware of the potential damaging effects the cigarettes had on their health. And given the undoubtedly tense situations they faced in battle, I would have openly welcomed a gift that promises to calm me down and was sent from home - a country I love and one I was willing to fight for. As the side-effects of cigarettes became widely know, I don't understand why people still allow themselves to be addicted to them. Given that is is an addiction, it is interesting that no one feels sorry for smokers who die from cancer. In fact, some may think "well, they had that coming" or "they deserved it".

If we don't let smokers off the hook for knowingly damaging their bodies, why do we lament over alcoholics, obese people, anorexicss, etc.? Why are their afflictions "diseases"? Why allow them to use that label as a crutch to NOT get better? The term "disease", to me, implies that its cause was out of my control. It also makes the person a "victim" who needs someone (i.e. a doctor) to save them.

Am I being too harsh? The "diseases" I mention aren't caused by a single mistake at a moment of weakness. It is the culmination of repeated offenses. The decisions to drink/eat/throw up are made individually and repeatedly over a long period of time. They know that they are damaging their bodies and have deliberately chosen that route (unless the person did not have the capacity to understand the dangers of their decisions, i.e., a child). None of them have my sympathy.

Personality Tests are SCAMS!

2007-05-03T14:48:00.000-04:00

According to my unprofessional opinion, personality tests are retarded. It would be unfair to say ALL personality tests are retarded...I can only speak about the ones I've done myself.

Here is how those I tried work:
1. They ask you to describe yourself by giving you adjectives that fall into x number of categories
2. They tell you what category your personality belongs in based the answers you provided
3. They give a blurb about your category by using the adjectives you selected in the first place

I see two faults with them. First, if you describe yourself as shy, they'll tell you that you're an introvert. Whoop-dee-freaking-doo. I could have saved myself some time by using a thesaurus. Second, their accuracy is based on that of your self-perception. The fact that the results "enlighten" some people is a good indication that they don't know who they are. Someone with a real perception of who they are would not be surprised by the answers they give themselves.

What would interest me more is knowing how my friends, acquaintances, and foes feel about me. If you fall into one of those three groups, this is an open invitation for you to tell me what you think of me - good or bad. Please feel free to be as detailed as you would like.

FeetFirst sucks!

2007-04-29T21:14:00.000-04:00

Here are my two experiences with FeetFirst. The first was good, the second one made me so angry that I almost cried in the store.

Experience 1: Buying a pair of shoes at Yorkdale (I think)

Me: Can I get these in a 7?
Salesperson 1: Sure thing. Actually, these may be on sale, let me check for you.
Me: Great!
[S1 comes back with the shoes]
S1: Actually, these are on sale for $75.99
Me: Awesome
[I try them on]
Me: These are a little tight in the front, can I try them in 7.5?
S1: We don't carry half sizes. Would you like to try them in an 8?
Me: Sure
S1: Sorry again about not putting a sales sign on the shoes.
Me: No problem
[S1 comesback with the shoes and I try them on]
Me: These are great but now they're too long. The 7's are just right in terms of length but they pinch in the front.
S1: Well, it is near the end of the day. Sometimes, feet swell near the end of the day.
Me: Well, I'm not sure, they are pinching a lot.
S1: The leather is really soft so the shoes will stretch.
Me: I don't know...alright fine.
[I buy the shoes and bring them home. I tried them on a few days later and they still pinched. I tried again a few more times a few days apart but they're still too tight. I brought them back a few weeks later to return because I knew I had 30 days to do it.]

Experience 2: Returning the shoes at Vaughan Mills

Me: I would like to make a return.
Salesperson 2: Sure.
[She takes a look at the bottom of the shoes and they're a little dusty so she shows them to salesperson 3. Salesperson 3 comes to the counter and takes over. S2 whispers to S3 to let S3 know that the purchase was made at a different store.]
S3: These shoes look like they've been worn outdoors.
Me: Well I only wore them in the store and put them on at home a few times.
S3: These look like they've been worn outdoors. I'll be happy to give you a gift receipt but I can't give you a return.
Me: I only walked around at home to make sure they fit.
S3: I hear what you're saying, but these look like they've been worn outdoors.
Me: Well then someone must have worn them before they sold them to me.
[S3 looks at the receipt]
S3: Well Audrey sold these to you and I know she would have marked that the soles were worn before she sold them to you.
Me: Well, she SHOULD have marked them then.
S3: No, she WOULD have marked them.
Me: She SHOULD have marked them.
S3: No, she WOULD have marked them.
Me: Can you please get Audrey on the phone.
S3: No, she's not working today. I'll be happy to give you a gift receipt.
Me: No, I want to return them.
S3: But you have to return them in the original condition for a return.
Me: I am. These are in the exact same condition as when I first bought them.
S3: These shoes have been worn outdoors.
Me: Not by me.
[Steve comes over at this point. He takes a look at the shoes.]
Steve: Look at this heel, it's completely unworn. You can even see the gloss on it still.
S3: Well some people wear one shoe more than the other.
Me: This is ridiculous.
S3: Well you waited so long to return them, anything could have happened in the past month.
Me: What do you mean, I'm allowed to take 30 days to return them.
S3: Well anything could have happened in a month.
Me: I can't believe this is happening. I am returning them because they are too small for me and pinch my feet. I couldn't wear them outside because I can't even take two steps in them indoors. If I could wear them outside, I would just KEEP them.
S3: Well, in the end, you'll get what you want, but anything could have happened in a month.
Steve: Wait a minute, she never wore these out.
Me: I don't care at this point, if she gives me my money back, that's fine. I'm never shopping here again.
Steve: No, she still doesn't believe you.
Me: I really don't care. The first salesperson told me that my feet were probably swollen when I was trying them on. I didn't even what to buy them in the first place. I was coerced into it.
S3: You're an adult. You can make your own decisions.
[At this point, I was insanely pissed off at her for implying that I'm a liar and an irresponsible adult when it was her precious Audrey who convinced me to buy the shoes in the first place.]
Me: When I went to the store, a shoe expert told me that my feet size may change depending on time of day, so I took the chance in respecting her advice. I took them home hoping that the fit will be different during different days at different times.
[She finished processing the return and I leave]
Steve: Saying "whatever" and antagonizing your customers is bad customer service.
S3: I never said "whatever".
Me: Forget it, lets go. I'm never shopping here again.

That's my story of why I will never ever shop at FeetFirst again. I went home and filled out a customer survey, giving them a detailed explanation of what happened. I informed them that the rude salesperson lost the company at least one customer because I'm going to tell my friends and family what happened to me. And now I've done my part.

It's not just about the balloon

2007-01-30T19:27:00.000-05:00

For my "Cultivating Presence" course last term, the students were asked to identify a scenario that prompted strong emotional reactions. We reflected on our emotions to determine why we feel a certain way about or have conditioned automatic responses to certain things. I didn't think I could come up with something deep and meaningful, but I surprised myself.

I described a work situation when someone took credit for work that I had done. I HATE HATE HATE it when I'm not properly appreciated for my contribution. One reflection led to another, until I was able to unearth a childhood memory that started this all:
My brother and I were with our parents at the CNE Air Show (I can't remember what it's called) when were were 6 and 11. A clown came to the crowd with dozens of helium balloons and started to hand them out. My brother and I ran out and were first in line. In a few seconds, the clown was surrounded by many kids who were screaming, pushing, and begging for balloons. While we stood there patiently in our stern belief that we would be rewarded for being first in line, the other kids stretched their hands out around us to grab the balloons out of the clown's hands.

As the exercise continued, I realized why I am so stern about being fair. I clearly remember how it felt when the clown had given everyone else a balloon and leaving my brother and I empty-handed. Not only is it important to be fair, it is also important to stand up for yourself. If you dont' stand up for yourself, you leave people the opportunity to take advantage of you. Standing up for myself is difficult for me because I dislike conflict and confrontation (I know you're all surprised). I can easily think of a dozen instances of when I didn't stand up for myself. I'm starting to be better at it though. The battle is to not appear to be trivial or selfish, because I detest those traits too. Another battle is my laziness. Sometimes, it just takes too much effort to yell at someone unless the offence meets my internal anger-threshold.

The Six Weirdest Things About Me

2007-01-17T20:28:00.000-05:00

Mimi tagged me and now I have to publicly admit that I'm weird. Don't worry, I'm generally a non-tagger so you're safe.

1. As a kid/teen, I had 3 reoccurring nightmares. They ALL involved running. It doesn't really sound that bad, but you should know that I'm frigthened of the game "tag". Sometimes, I run toward the person who's "it" just so I'd stop getting chased. To add on to this fear, I'm not a "strong runner". I can't run for speed or distance...basically, I am slow and tired a l l t h e t i m e (anyone who plays volleyball with me can confirm this).

2. I get obsessive about certain things. I'm going to list just a few of them.
a) My utensils cannot touch the counter.
b) I can't stand bare feet.
c) I get upset when people draw or poke holes in my erasers.
d) I only write with fine point pens.
e) I can't stand people jotting or scribbling on my paper.
f) Highlighters must have the right shade of yellow, proper transparency, must not smudge, and produce the right amount of liquid for the job.

3. In high school, we hung out in each other's basements quite frequently. Once in a while, we'd watch a movie. Sometimes, people would insist on watching scary movies. I get scared really easily (i.e. I got scared when Scary Movie 3 made FUN of The Ring). To avoid watching the movie, I'd force myself to go to sleep so I'd nap while everyone else enjoyed themselves.

4. I like TV shows that apparently only old people watch: Nash Bridges, JAG, North of 60, etc.

5. Unless otherwise required, I usually type my e-mails in lower case letters only and without any punctuation marks. I like the look of it.

6. I forget what it's called, but I have this "condition" that makes the bones in my feet super flexible. So everytime I walk, I land differently. The muscles and tendons have to compensate for the flexible movement of those bones. This, combined with poor biomechanics and high-impact sports, have resulted in partially torn tendons in the arch of my feet, inflammation of my Achilles tendons, and inflammation of tendons in my knees. I also frequently roll my ankles without hurting them.

Honourable mentions:
I'm 5'4 3/4" tall but my arm span is 5'9".
Sometimes, my mind can't decide which word to use so I often combine two (i.e. phone+call = cone)
It may be hard to believe, but I detest public speaking. To hide my nervousness, I pretend to be someone who enjoys and is good at it.

Lazy and scared of pain...and it shows

2006-11-30T19:19:00.000-05:00

When I have kids, I want to skip the child-birth and losing weight portions.

Just a thought.

All grown up

2006-11-17T11:07:00.000-05:00

It's odd to feel the effects of aging at only 25...
- When planning a driving route, I choose the least-aggravating route, not necessarily the shortest or quickest
- My patience for immature people has run out
- I notice a drastic increase in recovery time from injuries
- I can't sleep unless I have my own pillow
- I carry an old-lady-pillbox with 3 types of pills
- I can't remember the last time I frolicked
- My already bad memory is deteriorating
- I can't remember the rest of my points

Please don't undermine me in my own car!

2006-10-06T11:40:00.000-04:00

I was driving happily southbound on Yonge when I pulled into the turning lane to make a left on a side street just south of Steeles. There was a line of cars heading northbound that was stopped, waiting for the red light to change. As always, there were rude/incompetent drivers who blocked off the intersection. As luck would have it, there were a few people who stopped just short of the intersection to give me room to make my turn. Grateful for their consideration, I gave the courtesy wave. Everything was fine until Steve, who was in the passenger seat, gave his own courtesy wave.

This was not the first time he's waved along with me. This was also not the first time I've yelled at him for doing it. I felt that his wave undermined mine, as though he felt that he had better give the wave in case I don't for fear of appearing ungrateful. I have always given the wave and he's seen it on many occassions so my willingness to give it was not in question. Where's the trust? His excuse was that he was thankful too and wanted to give the wave for himself, rather than on my behalf. I argued that one wave is plenty to show appreciation and asked that he stop giving anymore in my car.

This may be worse than having my passengers shoulder-check when I change lanes. AARRGGHH!

When did people forget to have fun?

2006-08-16T12:18:00.000-04:00

I frequently update my MSN Messenger name to reflect my pet peeve of the day. A recent one was “People who lie and cheat in a FUNDRAISING dodgeball tournament taking place in a CHURCH”. It was a co-ed tournament that became highly competitive very quickly. Most of the men needed only about one game to turn into little whiny cheating boys.

How can an activity as simple and insignificant as dodgeball stripe them of everything to leave them only with their basic instincts? Four referees per court were not enough to keep the players honest. They cried, complained, refused to admit they were out, and cheated in any way possible. I’ve never been so peeved after a day of volunteering. Somehow, as a ref with a whistle, I almost lost my voice from screaming at players and lost all patience for any amount of arguing, begging, or whinning. Dodgeball is supposed to be fun. Fundraising is supposed to be high-spirited. A friend of mine suggested I felt that way because I’m very committed to the fundraising efforts of our volleyball club. But that wasn’t it. It’s that I have always been very concerned with doing right, being responsible, and being fair. Seeing the chaos around me and having to do most of the mitigation myself wore me out even though we were only there for 5 hours. I’m sure some may have perceived me to be a complete b**ch that day with my strict no-nonsense behaviour and felt badly about it until I remembered it was the cheaters and whiners that made me be as harsh as I had to be that day. The thought of it makes me evener angrier.

It’s moments like these that show you someone’s real character. To see how easily they abandon their morals for something as trivial as a fundraising dodgeball game made me lose respect (or confirm my lack of respect) for some people. And seeing how my friends understood the purpose of the day and treated it as a game and no more, I know that I surround myself with decent people and that they can keep you sane in a world of chaos.

I only realized today that there was an "add image" button...haha

2006-07-21T13:32:00.000-04:00

Since I don't know how to format these descriptions between the photos, I had to create this legend:

Rome - "Fighting" my brother at the Coliseum (August 04)
Vancouver - Thunderclap on Whistler (May 05)
Vancouver - Uncoordination at UBC (May 05)
Vancouver - Sunset at UBC..."Lowered Expectations" (May 05)
Me and Steve (Dec 05)
Mel, me, and El at Tammy and Will's wedding (May 06)
Women's Toronto Flying Tigers Volleyball Club at Will & Tammy's wedding (May 06)

I’m very proud of me

2006-07-14T11:17:00.000-04:00

This opening paragraph is a perfect example of how coldly rational I am, given that I’m going to discuss “Happiness” in a logical way, something that isn’t always so. Generally speaking, this euphoric feeling isn’t controlled in timing or intensity [I’m going to assume that people don’t try, not that they can’t]. I refuse to let it control me so I do what I can to turn the tables around. When it comes to emotions, I try to keep myself fairly consistent and stable. I don’t get overly-excited or worried. Let’s say I found out over a cheese sandwich and cup of tea that I’ve just won the lottery. My thoughts would be…how many Lactaid pills should I take…should I also compensate for the cream in the tea or should I risk it with just one pill…what if I don’t finish my sandwich quickly enough for the first pill to work for the cream? Those would be the same thoughts in my mind if I found out that my wallet was stolen over a cheese sandwich and cup of tea. I know you all think that this cannot possibly be true – you’re right. I rarely have cheese sandwiches.

Lately, over the past months, my happiness has been getting out of control. It’s something I’ve been frowning seriously upon because my recent lack of ability in controlling and predicting it is making me uncomfortable. The reasons for the uber-state of happiness are many and varied…with the one obvious shining star being Steve.

The traditional components to a happy and successful life include: a happy relationship/family, strong and loving friendships and a well-paying and advancing career [I would throw in ‘an enlightened sense of self’]. I spoke about life’s puzzle pieces on my birthday blog back in March. For those of you who don’t remember [although I do expect that you should], I learned that the puzzle pieces are forever changing and often replaceable, but it’s the clarity of what the final puzzle would look like that is valuable [i.e. knowing what makes you happy and how you can achieve it]. So not only are the pieces all healthy and thriving [which is no small task], the clarity of my puzzle has become increasingly clearer. I see things now that I didn’t even think about before. And I couldn’t be as ridiculously happy as I am without the help of very important people.

My parents – I couldn’t have built what I did without the solid foundation they laid for me. I got to thinking about how I don’t phase when something goes wrong. Even when I was younger, after a few good naps and a few good cries, I pick myself up and come back with a vengeance. Acknowledging that I have this ability made me almost fearless. If I go for it and I make it, great! If I don’t make it, I know I’ll pick myself up and learn to do it better next time. I don’t know how exactly they helped me become who I am today, because my self-discovered maturity had a lot to do with it. But I know they definitely had a hand it in. Maybe it was how they encouraged me or pushed me to try new things – whatever it was, I’m thankful.

My teachers/coaches – There were two in high school that had a heavy hand in how I turned out. They were caring, encouraging, and among the first to treat me as their equal. I didn’t feel like a naïve or foolish kid. I felt like me. They also saw in me gifts, maturity, and potential I didn’t discover until much later. I wanted to do well in school to please them [and my parents]. My fear of letting them down became my drive to succeed. That was what I needed until I learned to do things for myself.

My friends – Steve really likes my friends [well, so do I]. He repeatedly comments on how nice they are and wonders aloud why they hang out with a mean and sarcastic grouch like me. It would have been a hurtful comment if it weren’t so true. Looking at it from that angle, I don’t know why they are my friends. I just hope that they know I care about them and would offer my help as soon as they ask for it. I’m fairly self-reliant and don’t tend to lean on people. But for the few I go to for advice, I am grateful for your honesty and opinion. And for all my friends, thanks for understanding that if I’m sarcastic and brutally honest with you, it means three things: 1) you’re close enough to me that I feel comfortable joking around with you, 2) I know you can handle it, and 3) I respect you. It may be an odd way to show respect, but believe me, I don’t waste my wit.

Stormy – I just had to include her here because she makes my heart leap for joy every time I see her [which, unfortunately, hasn’t been very often as of late].

Steve – I’m going to keep this short and sweet so no one would throw up reading this. I feel like I can do anything with you by my side. Your high praises and endless compliments are starting to make me see me the way you see me [a very good thing]. I am the envy of every girl in this world…I found an awesome guy who is funny, sweet, affectionate, and willing to cook!

Yes I love technology; But not as much as you, you see; But I still love technology; Always and forever

2006-06-07T11:57:00.000-04:00

It’s true. I do love technology, especially in crap gizmos that are really cool but you’d never use or have a need for. I also respect the reciprocal relationship it has with mankind. We create the technology, which in turn makes it easier for us to create other technologies. No one can complain about that, right?

Well lo and behold, don’t you know it, we have a bunch of whiners in our midst. One of their favourite arguments is “well if technology is so good and makes our work more efficient, why are people working more now than ever before”? Well when I first heard it in my early teens, I thought it was a valid argument. I was at that ripe young age when I swallowed any information that was force-fed to me without question or regurgitation. Now that I’m older and wiser, my gag-reflex has developed extra sensitivity.

I think that argument is as absurd as my fictitious claim that microwaves are responsible for today’s rise in crime rate. Before the invention of microwaves, not only were there fewer appliances to steal - i.e. microwaves, Magic Bullet, George Foreman grill, etc. - people also had to spend more time making meals, leaving them less time to commit crime [wow I came up with a fake two-pronged argument…I’m awesome].

I’d like to suggest that societal changes, rather than technological progression, are the culprits responsible for longer work hours. The demands placed on the workforce are not external. To a reasonable extent, it is appropriate to demand more from each worker who is now better able to finish tasks quicker with the help of technology. Rather, the demands come from an internal source. Let’s go back to the Stone Age to make an exaggerated case [note that the same comparison could be made with a reference point mere decades ago]. Cavemen were easily satisfied. All they really wanted was food, water, warmth, shelter, a good-sized club, and a fertile woman with child-bearing hips. Once in a while, for special occasions, he may even get a new loin cloth. They hunted to ensure their survival, no less and no more. Today’s workers are quite different. We want so much more – fancy cars, beautiful houses with manicured lawns, karaoke machines [well I do, anyway], satellite radios, expensive threads, diamond earrings, the latest hair style, pet clothing, stiletto pumps, space foam mattresses, massage chairs, etc. To afford these luxury items, people have to work harder and longer to make more money above and beyond that required to sustain their survival.

Critics may still point out that many workers from lower-income families have to work two jobs just to maintain the bare minimum standard of living. But remember who is responsible for creating the division between the rich and the poor. It’s not microwaves, insulin, electric motor, or any other technological advances. It is the result of people’s greed and selfishness. We have to use technology to make life better for everyone, not just for the rich in expense of the poor. We have to make that choice quickly and consciously or else we’ll be so far out of touch with reality that things will pass the point of no return and we’ll all be forced to pay for our ignorance.

Here comes the bride, all stressed in white?

2006-06-06T16:37:00.000-04:00

I attended my second wedding a few weeks ago and had the privilege of being a bridesmaid and a master [or mistress?] of ceremony. For those of you wondering, my first wedding was over two decades ago, when I was a flower-girl at my uncle’s wedding [I can’t remember anything, but I’m sure I was cute]. So the recent wedding was the first in my adult life. It was painful in a few different ways – the heels hurt my feet for a full day, the heels hurt my knees for a full week, and the crushing blow that smashed my fairy tale dreams will last a life time.

It is possible [and highly likely], that I am exaggerating. Ok fine, I’m undoubtedly blowing it out of proportion. But the difference between the reality of what weddings are like and the image conjured in my mind are so drastically different that I was terribly shocked. The amount of attention the couple paid to themselves was miniscule compared to that paid to the comfort of the guests, timing of the day’s events, decisions for unforeseeable problems, etc. It did not have a fairy tale feel to it. Now, don’t get me wrong. The ceremony was very touching [more than I thought it would be] and the pictures and speeches were great. I’m sure it looked like a fairy tale to the guests who don’t see the things that go on behind the scenes. My problem was that I was just very naïve as to what it takes to put on a show as grand as the one that took place. Although I was fully aware of the planning that went on before the wedding, I was surprised by the amount of work that went on during the day of the wedding.

So this got me thinking about what my wedding would be like. I don’t know where it’s going to be, when it’s going to be, what kind of flowers I’ll have or where I’m going to get my cake. What I have in mind are just a few rules of thumb I developed while watching and helping with the inner-workings of my friend’s wedding.
1. The bridesmaids get to choose their own matching dresses.
2. The bridesmaids get to choose comfortable matching footwear.
3. Delegate as many tasks to as many dependable people as possible.
4. If it’s not critical, don’t stress about it.
5. The day is about the couple. Don’t forget that!
6. Invite people who want to be there and who you want to be there. There is no max/min number.
7. I’d rather put more focus on food than decorations [I like the show “I do, let’s eat!” on Food network].
8. Hire a professional photographer who isn’t TOO pushy.
9. Make friends with people who play the keyboard and violins NOW [haha]. They make a big difference during the ceremony.
10. Make pockets of alone time for the couple to be by themselves to relish the day.

Yes, I’m back. And yes, I know you missed me.

2006-05-02T10:02:00.000-04:00

Although I normally blame my absences from lack of inspiration, I attribute the latest one to the lack of time. There were big topics I wanted to tackle over the past weeks but they required a larger commitment than I could afford for me to do them any justice. Those of you who noticed my absence from school may argue that going to one class in two weeks frees up a lot of time. You may have a point. But in my defence, I would like to make it publicly known that I spend my time at home doing the readings and questions assigned [something I know those who go to class may not necessarily do] because I perceive the incremental benefit of going to certain classes too small to be worth my time. Besides, I enjoy sleeping in, waking up at noon to watch What Not to Wear on TLC, then spend the rest of the afternoon flipping through Ellen, poker, The View, Oprah, Little People Big World, etc., and taking mid-afternoon naps. In private, I refer to myself as a professional multi-tasking procrastinator. I think I’ll go get a business card made. Well, maybe later.

After I pat myself on the shoulder for writing the longest non-relevant opening paragraph EVER [like anyone can know that, Napoleon], I’d like to turn your attention to how we have failed ourselves in the economic and societal framework [this may be my best segue yet]. Before I start, I have to make it clear that none of the issues I raise in this entry are based on fact. Research is for chumps.

Each type of economy and state has its unique pros and cons. The only thing they share is failed implementation in their idealistic form. I propose that we, the people, have let ourselves down in both systems. The beauty of a democratic and capitalistic system is that the power lies with the people. On Election Day, we vote for who we want to represent our interests in Office. Once they are in Office, the members must act on our behalf or risk losing their seats next term. In addition, anytime the people have an issue with the government’s actions, we have the option, nay, the right and responsibility, to gather forces and act as a unit to strike down issues that work against our interests. With businesses and corporations, vendors must sell high quality goods at the best price in order to attract business. We vote for the vendors we want to deal with by spending money on their products/services. This all sounds fine and dandy but you and I both know that this just simply isn't the case. Something has gone wrong somewhere. It is now impossible to avoid being dragged into heated discussions about Wal-Mart’s destruction of America, tax breaks for the wealthy, high price of oil, lying politicians [are there any other kind?], destruction of the environment, etc. If these things are getting people talking, whether or not their opinions are correct in the micro or macro sense, why aren’t they doing something? They have two weapons. One, they have the inherent power to force the government to implement regulations to protect the things corporations aren’t concerned with [albeit with less power as it trudges through the bureaucracy], such as local culture or environment protection. Two, they can choose to spend their money elsewhere.

So why do the problems they’ve been complaining about still exist? Because [thank goodness for the deceiving politicians and the greedy corporations] the people are lazy. Those who take the time to make themselves aware of and educated in today’s issues and ways to combat them are few. Heck, I am in the same boat. I could only guess how many signatures are needed to start a petition and who to send them to [and given my ‘guess the number of jelly beans in the jar’ record, I’m no good at guessing]. The one thing I do is withhold my spending at stores whose ethics I disagree with. Wal-Mart came up with a GREAT business model. They are widely successful and, as I see it, within the letter of the law. They are one of the major corporations that are responsible for the shift away from local small businesses to large multi-national ones. Some may argue that the small towns will lose their culture and their local businesses need to be protected to provide quality jobs for its citizens. Fair enough. They are entitled to their opinion. They are also responsible for being good citizens and consumers that indicate their choices by the voting power given to them. They can ask the government for legislation to protect or subsidize the small businesses. They can continue spending their dollars at the local stores rather than shopping at Wal-Mart. But to my knowledge, this hasn’t happened anywhere [recall that I only do passive, hands-behind-my-head research]. They have let themselves down and should stop complaining that the system has failed them when they have clearly chosen to be lured by the cheap prices away from their morals.

On my part, I make the effort to not shop at Wal-Mart. Although I admire them on the business side, I disagree with their actions on the touchy-feely subjects. I know that I alone can do no good. But I have exercised my power and it is up to the others join me. As for Election Day, I make it a point to vote for the lesser evil. As South Park puts it, even though an election is often between a douche bag and a giant turd, you still have to vote.

Note: I have always been under the impression that all Wal-Mart goods are the cheapest. This, in fact, is a clever misconception. Their advertised and lowest-of-the-line goods are usually the cheapest [i.e. crappy DVD player for $19.97]. Their job is to lure you to the high-end items within that line that are not necessarily the cheapest [i.e. quality DVD player for $129.97 compared to $109.97 elsewhere].

Bonne fete a moi!

2006-03-07T16:15:00.000-05:00

Significant birthday milestones:
16 - got my G1 driver’s license
19 - bought my first lottery ticket [I lost] and went to the casino [I won $1.95 at nickel slots]
25 - lost my medical coverage under my parents’ insurance plans

Dang it, maybe it’s not such a “bonne” fete after all!

Having happily survived and mostly treasured my quarter of a century on this earth is worth celebrating [whether I can get orthodics or my teeth cleaned free or not]. Now that the cake has been finished and we’re down to the last of the leftover pizza, chicken wings and spring rolls, it is time for reflection [and maybe a few hundred sit-ups…I’m still on 1].

Turning 25 has been an odd experience. I’ve always felt my age [give or take a year or two depending on my maturity or immaturity at the time]. This year is a little different. Hearing the number 25 makes me feel as old as I do young. I feel old because it’s an automatic response. When you look back on any age, a collection of incomplete images of that year’s highs and lows race through your mind, topped off with a silent sigh and the reflection “boy, I was young then”. By the virtue of not having been 25 yet, the lack of memories is what makes the age seem older than it really is [am I making sense?].

But having said that, I know that 25 is young in the grand scheme of things. I feel as though I am turning 29 [still young, I admit, but it is a 16% increase]. On my birthday entry last year, I wrote “A year older, five years wiser”. It was fitting because I learned a lot of things about myself and developed my adult perspective of life during my 23rd year. If there were a catch phrase to describe my 24th year, it would be “A step toward adulthood” [or "Way more long-winded"].

**Disclaimer: Unless you know me well, you’ll probably find the rest of this entry quite boring and/or nonsensical [assuming you don’t already feel that way about the first half of this entry]**

When I was 22, I felt like I had the pieces of my life in place [foolish, I know]. I had a great job lined up, I was already pre-accepted to the MBA program, I had wonderful friends and I was with someone special. It felt like every area of my life was going well and I couldn’t be happier. Then a hand grenade blew up one of those pieces and it shook my world in a way I didn’t know was possible. Oddly enough [well not at all odd in hindsight], it was one of the best things that could have happened to me [only because I learned a lot from it and became the super-me you now all have the privilege of knowing]. It felt like my life took a few steps backward and I was left with a puzzle that didn’t have the right number of pieces.

So over my 23rd year, part of why I was “five years wiser” was because I figured out I didn’t even have all the pieces I needed to begin with [and some of them were the wrong ones]. I also had a clearer picture of what the finished puzzle would look like. What was great over my 24th year was being able to share and use the wisdom I garnered from the previous year [my use of metaphors also improved, although it may not be immediately apparent to you]. There have also been changes in my life that makes the puzzle more whole again. This time around, however, I know the pieces are forever changing and replaceable, and it is the final picture that remains the same. [I'm not trying to rehash the things I've gone through ages ago. I'm merely providing some background information so I can compare my 23rd and 24th year.]

My step toward adulthood [as tiny as it is], comes in the form of moving out of home and sharing life with someone even more special and dear to me. The happiness he brings to my life is something I honestly didn't even dare dream about for fear of being disappointed. I just want to burst everytime I think about how complete he makes me [sappy but true]. I am happy with me and happy with us. This brings me back to why I feel that 25 is young. I am now where I thought I would be 4 years from now. Unlike the time when I was 22, I don’t judge my point in life by the kind or number of pieces of the puzzle that I have, but by the clarity of the overall picture I have in mind.

Brain Fart

2006-02-11T14:51:00.000-05:00

What makes a good onion ring? If you ask me [and thanks for asking], a top-of-the-notch ring has two qualities. First, a light and crispy batter. Second well-cooked onions that can be easily bitten through, so as to avoid having the onion slide out and hang on your chin while leaving the empty shell of an artery-clogging ring of batter between your fingers and a guilty decision on your mind.

What are you going to do now?

It's a toughie. If you eat it, you feel bad because you're popping deep-fried batter into your mouth without much of an excuse [i.e. a pathetic little piece of onion]. And while you're trying to decide what you're going to do, the oil is dripping down your fingers. To stop your hand from being drenched in that fatty liquid, you pop the ring into your mouth and savour the delicious treat. The thought of putting that ring down never even occured to you.

What's the point of having that mini-dilemma anyway? If you made the decision to order the onion rings in the first place, you already committed to what you know as a fatty snack. Whether you have the batter with the onion or separate from it makes no difference. But somehow, having that moment's pause gives you the sense that you at least considered your health for that split second.

~sigh~ Why, lipids, why must you tease me so?

And by the way, South St. Burgers [brought to you by the New York Fries folks] makes my favourite burgers [with a choice of cool toppings like zesty ketchup, mango chutney, dijon mustard, dijon horseradish] and onion rings. The one location I know of is at the SW corner of Dufferin & Steeles close to Home Depot.

Why fake news is better than real news

2006-01-23T09:36:00.000-05:00

Spreadsheets. Graphs. Sample calculations. Data sets. I like them all. Now I don’t like to think of myself as a freak. It’s much more flattering to think of myself as an uber-analytical left-brainer. As such, I fall pray to a heavy dependence on flawless logic [oh sweet sweet logic how I love you so].

Now that my Achilles is known, let me share with you how my brother has enjoyed exploiting this weakness of mine in the past. When we are in disagreement , I use logic to persuade him to see my point of view. This always works because you cannot argue against correct logic. Well was I wrong! That statement was based on an intrinsic assumption I didn’t realize I made until my brother shone a blinding flashlight on it. Here is an example of the type of aggravating conversations we have from time to time.

Me: …so you see now why you’re wrong.
Him: Actually, you’re wrong because you like cheese.
Me: What?
Him: Do you like cheese?
Me: Yes
Him: So you are wrong.

The assumption I made was that both parties can arrive to a consensus if logic is used on both sides. When my brother threw in complete and utter illogic, it was a knuckleball that I was not expecting. I think my brain exploded after the first of such conversations and I simply could not respond. So apparently, you can argue against logic. What you can’t do is argue against illogic.

“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” is as a good a time as you can find on television. I have only recently realized why I enjoy it so. This “fake" news show is great for two reasons. First, in his monologue, he points out all the nonsense politicians try to get away with. It’s great fun to see these leaders [who think very highly of themselves] get caught in their less-than-glorious moments. Second, in the interviews, the experts would try to present their view while the interviewer argues back with illogical points or questions. The way the experts fumble at the presence of illogic is priceless. I can only imagine how much joy it gave my brother when he did the same to me.

On the other hand, “real” news on CNN vexes me like no other television show. I avoid the channel normally but do watch it on a few occasions [against my will]. Two episodes engrained themselves in my mind.

Episode One: Coverage of Air France crash at the Pearson Airport
CTV had footage of the crashed plane and showed emergency teams trying to control the flames. The news anchor did not provide much information other than the time of the flight, the weather conditions at the time of the flight, the airline the plane belonged to, and a description of what he could see from the footage.
CNN had “experts” call in. The first was a flight attendant trainer. She described that during crashes, all lights will turn off except for the emergency lighting that points the passengers toward the emergency exits. In this situation, the flight attendants are responsible for calming the passengers and maintaining order. The second was a wind shear expert. He explained that the plane may have crashed because of disturbances in pockets of air. If the plane had been downed by wind shear, none of the passengers or staff onboard would survive.
As it turned out, wind shear was not the cause of the crash and all the passengers made it safely out of the plane within minutes of the landing. Also, no one cared about flight attendant procedures. Although the CTV report was BORING, it did not make news up! CNN painted a baseless picture of terror and death. I can’t express how upset I was when I was watching the coverage.

Episode Two: Nancy Grace
To start off, I’ve heard that she had a rough life. She became a tough no-nonsense lawyer after a personal tragedy. It is obvious that she is a smart woman. She just really sucks as a moderator. She doesn’t so much encourage different points of view as she steers the conversation toward her point of view. During a discussion on a murder trial, she scolded the psychoanalyst she invited on her show for “speculating” and not presenting facts. Please correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought the whole point of the lady being there is to analyse and speculate [what else do psychoanalysts do?]. And of course, the usual insults were thrown at the lone panel member who disagreed with her stance. Someone needs to explain to me how this is news.

Before “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” and “Lies and the Lying Liars who Tell Them” [Al Franken book], I thought that if I wanted trusted news, I should turn to CNN. Wow thank goodness I woke up. I thought tabloids were bad for making things up. It looks likes CNN is guilty of the same.

“Fake” news versus “real” news…since you’re not getting actual news either way, you might as well stick with fake news and be entertained!

No need for Worrywart Cream

2005-11-09T20:19:00.000-05:00

I have been accused for being too fair and logical to the point of a fault [I suppose there are worse things]. Now I recognize that my ensuing argument is biased but it does seem as silly as accusing me for being too right [how’s that for baseless self-endorsement?].

Before I begin, please understand that I am no Tuvac. As often as I use logic and reason to solve problems, I recognize that their applicability is questionable at best in certain situations. But when the circumstance warrants their use, is it really possible to be too fair or too logical? The context in which the allegation was originally made brought into question how inflexible I seem when it came to friends and acquaintances. A simple defence would be: right is right and wrong is wrong whether you’re my friend or not. But my love of gab prevents me from leaving this discussion so easily.

Those who don’t know me well [very few do] may see me as cold and harsh and I can understand why. I am a straight shooter. I do not tolerate insincerity or any other forms of “fakeness”. I do not play games. I do not cast logic aside for the sake of appeasement. I do only things that make me happy. I am an adamant proponent for what is right. I do not put too much care into things that some think deserve frantic worrying and all-consuming stress. I only allow those who meet my stringent standards to get too close to me [I’m not as horrible as I sound].

There are probably only two or three people who really understand what makes me tick and I am grateful that they took the time to figure it out. They understand who I am – not just not who I appear to be. Using logic and fairness in my decisions, be they practical or emotional, has its pros and cons. It makes it easier to get a good handle on life although it probably makes it lose a little colour. My attitude may comes off as standoffish to some but I’m glad there are those who see that I am just happy to have figured things out for myself [or at least briefly gripping onto my sanity] and devote all my resources to things that I deem important in my life.

Happiness is yelling bingo…or whatever you prefer

2005-11-03T12:04:00.000-05:00

Believe it or not, I spoke with someone today whose outlook was more pessimistic than mine. The discussion started off with a strong statement “I am going to marry the next person I date” [now how’s that for a conversation starter].

The blatant neglect of the required mutual consent in a marriage aside, I was anxious to hear her reasoning behind the thought. As it turned out, it wasn’t so much the actual intention of marrying the next person she dated but her pessimistic view of love and marriage that shocked me. Her belief is that love fades and dies over time so it should not be the deciding factor when choosing a husband. Something more long term such as companionship or financial stability should play a bigger role. Since this is the case, there is really no point in dating and searching for a “soul mate”. As soon as you find someone who fits the proper description, get hitched!

I think my brain just about exploded at this point, but it really shouldn’t have. Who am I to dictate and assume what people want out of relationships and marriages? I made the mistake of imposing on her what makes ME happy. If someone wants stability, then kudos to her if she can find that in her mate. Me, on the other hand, I’m a hopeless romantic [well, I hope I’m not THAT hopeless]. I look for a bunch of things but if I had to choose three, they would be: true love [partially defined by someone feeling as strongly about me as I do about them], honesty, and fierce loyalty. That’s what makes me tick and no one can judge me for it.

So whatever it is that makes you happy [as long as it doesn't hurt other people], go for it! I promise I'll try my best not to judge.

Tiny steps

2005-10-09T22:44:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time, I wanted to be a paediatrician. There was a strong desire to leave a positive imprint in the world and to me, helping the sick – especially children – was a noble way to do just that. But I realized some years back that I did not have the passion to be a physician. When that decision was made, it felt a little like turning my back to the world. Now that I’ve headed toward engineering and management, there is no turning back. The opportunity to make an impact slipped through my fingers.

Well that just won’t do. That's can't be it. It would be a complete waste of the precious life that was granted to me! Now I’m not saying that I should pursue a career I am not passionate about just so I can leave my mark. My point is that hope is not lost.

I won’t be the one who will discover the cure for cancer or AIDS. I will not likely receive the Order of Canada or the Nobel Peace Prize. But that does not make my life insignificant. I hope I am not conceited in presuming this, but I believe I have left (and will continue to leave) positive impressions on the people in my life [well, at least a few of them]. When I think about it, if all I’ve done is to make one person's life a little better or a little easier, there is absolutely no shame in that. That would be the happy ending to my fairy tale.

And one for the little girl who lives down the lane

2005-09-28T11:34:00.000-04:00

(Addendum to the poem “With This I Wash my Hands” – see March archive)

It’s been three weeks of commuting by TTC, with at least two years left to go. I am no stranger to “Riding the Rocket” [hey now], having done it for three and a half years during my undergraduate days. The trains, schedules, and routines are the same but something is markedly different. The commute no longer depresses me.

So what changed? The ride is just as long and tiring as before. The trains are just as crowded and subject to as many delays. The environment did not change. I did.

From time to time, I used to feel herded downtown by an invisible force. I was just one of many who did what they did because that was what they were told or expected to do. There was no participation on my part. I went downtown everyday because of a decision I made in high school to go to university and the university told me to show up in class at certain times on certain days. It was surreal to feel my removal from reality.

The difference this time around is that I’m in control. I’m back in grad school because of a decision I made three years ago. It was no more conscious or planned than my undergraduate choice. Neither of them were made for the right reasons or with all the facts, but fortunately, both worked out well. Despite the similarities, I’m living the choice and making the most out of it this time around. Let me explain.

My mind has been made up about how I want to balance my life. Work is a necessity. Without work, you cannot pay for the food, water, and shelter you need to survive. Everyone has to work. Back in the good old days of hunting and gathering, people ‘worked’ all day because if you didn’t, you’d starve and your village mates would eat you. Then came agriculture. Thank goodness! Weak little me would not have survived as a hunter/gatherer. An agricultural society produces enough food to allow for other occupations other than farmers. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to get paid sitting in front of a computer and modelling things on Excel. So whether it is farming or Excel modelling, I have to make my contribution somehow somewhere to get paid. I happen to prefer the latter.

The capitalist society we live in promotes wealth. Somewhere along the line, people no longer worked for survival. They worked to gather and collect as much wealth as possible. The days at the office lengthened and the time spent with family shrunk. What for?

I will do all I can to lead a balanced life. Since work is necessary, and that I will have to spend at least 40 hours a week doing it, I might as well make it as enjoyable as possible. This is why I decided to go to grad school. I was not convinced that I would be happy simply being an engineer. So I’m investing my time in grad school to open up interesting career paths. I plan to work smarter, not harder [something all lazy people say...and I'm no different].

I’d rather see my kids grow up than drive a Mercedes. I’d rather spend time with my husband than live in a house that is too big for us. I’d rather enjoy life than spend it chained to a desk.

Serenity Now!

2005-09-27T16:53:00.000-04:00

I don't usually jot down diary-type entries in my blog but something upset me enough today to allow for a slight bend of an unwritten rule.

I took Stormy out for a walk after school. She was, as always, sniffing everything in sight and taking her sweet ol' time. As I was watching her walking around aimlessly by a hydro pole, I saw a car backing out of a driveway out of the corner of my eye and thought nothing of it. But after a few seconds, the car was still there so I looked up to see what was going on.

There was a lady in the car making "What the hell?" gestures at me. At first glance, my brain could not interpret her signal. Then I quickly realized that she didn't like Stormy sniffing around on the lawn.

Time out

I understand that not everyone is a dog lover. Whether that is the case or not, I'm always a responsible dog walker and try to be sensitive to the needs of my neighbours. I always pick up after Stormy and never let her do her business on the actual front lawns in my area. I restrict her to the tiny piece of grass belonging to the city (between the sidewalk and the road). At that time, Stormy wasn't even on the city lawn that was at HER house. We were at her next door neighbour's city lawn.

Time in

When I figured out what she wanted. I looked down. Great...perfect timing...Stormy decided to take a dump right then and there. But wait a minute, I'm not doing anything wrong and neither is Stormy. So I look up again and shrugged my shoulders to give her the "What?" signal. She repeated her "What the hell?" gestures three times after that and I shrugged my shoulders in response each time. When Stormy was done her business, I took a bag out to pick up after her. When I look up again, I noticed that the lady's window was down. At this point I'm fairly ticked off but made a point to speak calmly [for effect].

Me: Can I help you?

Lady: ~silence~

Me: Excuse me, is there something I can help you with?

Lady: Why don't you take your dog and do this on your own lawn?

Me: She's a dog and she can't help where she goes. This is not your lawn. This is public property. I pick up after her so there is no issue.

Lady: She is on my lawn.

Me: No she isn't. She is on public property. You are being very rude.

At that point, I realized that I was not getting through to her so I walked past her car [which was blocking the sidewalk...now how rude is THAT] and went on my merry way. She drove off, stopped in the middle of the street and rolled down her window.

Lady: Should I learn polite lessons from you?

Me: You're being rude again.

She steps on the gas and zooms down the street.

OK. I can forgive innocent ignorance. You simply don't know better. But when you're wrong, rude, and inarticulate in your argument, you're 0 for 3. What have you got going for you? Nothing.

And yes lady, you should take some "polite lessons" from me.

Hey big spender

2005-09-26T12:27:00.000-04:00

It sucks to be in debt. Until now, I’ve taken my financial independency for granted. Ever since my first job at the public library a decade ago [I’ve been in the work force for ten years?], I saved what I made and paid for what I bought. No longer did I have to rely on my meagre $1/month allowance from my parents (that’s an entire story on its own)! Now that I have a line of credit in my name and am tens of thousands of dollars in the hole, I look back to the one other big financial commitment I made – my car.

I bought my first car when I was 18. No, I don’t mean that my parents bought it for me. I took my own money out of my account and used it to purchase a car. It was a used Corolla sold by a small car rental company. It had no power locks, no power windows, nor hubcaps – but I can never forget the sense of pride I felt every single time I got into the driver’s seat. I was especially proud of the fact that I was first of my friends to buy my own car. The Corolla was my baby.

Buying a car was a bigger commitment that I realized in the time. It drained almost all my savings. It’s not the best thing I could have done with my money – everyone knows how quickly autos depreciate. But what I got in return was invaluable – personal independence. Who knows how different my life would be now if I bought a set of encyclopaedias instead.

Well, I probably would not have to worry about paying off my next credit card bill, that’s for sure. Luckily, Rotman pays for my interest on my tuition loan as long as I remain in school. So even though I’m so deep in the hole that I’m halfway to China - it’s just a number with absolutely no consequence [for now]. But, it’s still uncomfortable. The feeling of pride has been replaced by survival mode.

I saved what I could in the past two years to pay for 1 year’s worth of tuition. This had better be worth it!

I sure hope Maslow is wrong

2005-09-20T14:04:00.000-04:00

There’s this guy – Maslow – who came up with a very well known ‘need theory’. According to him, we have different hierarchical levels of need. Once the lowest level is satisfied, we are no longer motivated by that level and look to tackle the next set of needs. From bottom to top, the levels of needs are: physiological, safety, belongingness, esteem, and self-actualization. You can move up the hierarchical ladder but not down. Although widely documented, this theory is not supported well by empirical data.

Well I sure as heck hope not! It is a really interesting insight to what makes us tick. But I have to disagree with how Maslow placed the order of needs. Physiological and safety needs are obviously very basic and must be met first. D’accord. But what good are belongingness and esteem without self-actualization?

Not only are misguided searches for belongingness and esteem a waste of time, but they can be detrimental and counterproductive. There are no benefits from belonging to a societal group or organization for the sake of belonging. Self-esteem will also be lacking without in depth self evaluation and actualization. There must be some sort of rite of passage before you can learn not only HOW to belong and believe in yourself, but more importantly – WHY.

Once you figure out who you want to be and how you want to achieve that, the world becomes your playground. You look at your surroundings very differently. Suddenly, you see things simply as tools to help you achieve the goals you’ve set for yourself. This view may sound plain, boring, or even WRONG, but it definitely helps you sort out and appreciate what is important to you in life.

Engerla is a snob

2005-09-13T10:43:00.000-04:00

Wait! No she’s not. That statement is a blatant lie. It honestly could not be further from the truth. So…why am I starting rumours and putting myself at the receiving end of an ass whopping?

To prove a point at someone else’s expense, of course! Enge is a close friend of mine and I thought I knew her pretty well until she got upset with me [in her quiet and barely detectable way] when I jokingly called her a snob. Although I was blunt and said it in a serious tone, I thought my sarcasm was obvious by virtue of the comment’s outrageous absurdity. Apparently, I was wrong. Because I am an overly honest and blunt person [to a fault at times], she took that comment as a sincere one. Still, I couldn’t understand why she was so upset until recently. What’s a little name calling between friends?

I walked what felt like ten miles in her shoes this past week. Although I am much better at dishing insults than taking them, I was especially sensitive to certain comments made to me recently [disregarding the fact that they came one after another, after another, after another…]. To make matters worse, I became upset at how upset I was. In fact, it got to a point where I had to sit myself down and think things through.

Why the heck was I being so touchy? It turned out that it wasn’t simply because I was the butt of a few jokes. It was because they picked on things that were near and dear to me. I have set in my mind what kind of person I want to be and I strive hard to achieve that. When I was accused of being something I hated, I lost control. Engerla was upset because she dislikes it when people are snobby. So for me to associate her with that character trait was a slap to her face. If I wrongly [and jokingly] accused her of anything else [i.e. boring, annoying, etc.], she would probably just have pushed me to the ground and told me to shut the hell up.

Some learnings from this small ordeal:
- I’ve got to increase my take it/dish it ratio
- It can sometimes [but not very often] be good to overanalyze
- Enge and I are proud peoples

An Elevator Ride With An Olympian

2005-09-10T23:26:00.000-04:00

It was brief and I didn't know who he was.

We were taking the elevator back to our floor after returning from my farewell / thank you lunch. The elevator stopped and a group of men came in. Pleasantries and greetings were exchanged before they left a few floors later. My colleague turned around and asked if we knew who he was. We didn't. He used to swim competitively and was an Olympic medallist years ago. My first thought was "What is he doing working here?" My second thought was "I'm such a hypocrite!"

It has always been a pet peeve of mine when people base their impression of me based on one simple piece of information. One small part of the puzzle. One minute part of who I am. When they think I'm just goofy, quiet, smart, dumb, or athletic, etc. [whether they're right or wrong], I want to scream "I'm more than that!" I've put in a lot of effort to be well-rounded and it is disappointing when people don't care enough to discover the other parts of my life.

Just because he was an Olympic swimmer didn't mean he wasn't the 9-5 type of guy who would enjoy working at a large corporation. I now see that it's easy to fall into traps like this and will make a conscious effort to get to learn more about those around me.

Over what hill?

2005-08-30T00:27:00.000-04:00

Not only is age ‘just a number’, I find that it is often a misleading gauge of anything and everything. In my foolish days [are they behind me yet?], I was led to believe that adults ‘over the hill’ led meaningless lives and yearn for younger and happier days [in between playing bingo and heckling at kids from their front porches]. Now, I know that this is a misperception created in my mind by Hallmark cards.

At one point or another, we all clue in to what we want to do with our time on earth. The lucky ones become in-tuned with the simple truths of life much earlier. An example of one is ‘your life is what you make of it’. It may sound plain, obvious, or even trite – but only to those who can’t appreciate the beauty of its simplicity.

‘Morning person’ is a term missing in my vocabulary [my alarm snooze button is almost worn right through]. As difficult as it is for me to wake up each morning, I welcome each day with open arms [after a banana muffin and a tall soy latte loaded with brown sugar]. Every day presents itself as a challenge and an opportunity to live my life the way I want and believe. There will certainly be rough patches here and there but as long as I stick to my guns and treat them as the difficult but necessary lessons that they are, there can be no bad days. Whatever comes my way, I cannot lose if I do my best to “Live in love. Live with integrity. Live for happiness.”

As time passes, we gain more opportunities to discover and live by new truths and secrets. Unless you give up when you hit 50, there is no going over any hill! Life is just going to get better as you get older. The bumps along the way will most likely be more complicated further down the road, but we’ll also be able to better appreciate the stretches of smooth sailing.

Misty Water-Coloured Memories...

2005-08-17T20:18:00.000-04:00

... at Skule

I told Angela of the time my foot was run over by a car and she sympathized by sharing a story of her receiving a bruise when playing Ultimate Frisbee.

Going on ICQ or MSN the night before an assignment is due and scanning/sharing each other's answers [thanks Jeff!]

No one really fully understanding the exact definition of 90% confidence interval.

Using "entropy" in a punch line.

Instead of using a traditional weapon such as a gun, cannon, or tank when we were playing "war" in Separations lab, Irene jotted down the chemical formula H2SO4.

Getting caught playing "war" in Separations lab.

Getting into trouble with Irene and Cammie in Separations lab for carrying test tubes in lab coat pockets, holding them with tongs or by hand instead of using the supplied test tube holders.

Playing table tennis at the International Student Center everyday in first year.

Fudging data for lab reports.

Any stories involving Maira.

... with Tigers

Staying with Engerla's cousin's crazy roommate for NY Mimi 2004.

Being the only one who had to take a shower with a plastic bucket bought in NY Chinatown.

Going to Tammy's place and seeing a dozen ways to make fun of her height-deficiency: ballet bars as chin-up bars, a telephone set only one foot off the ground...

Brrrrrlatz.

Playing Asuka in rock-paper-scissors.

Being stunned on the court when watching Liv try to hit a ball off a block that was set against her teammate.

Cramming 10 girls in one hotel room in San Francisco.

Asuka mistakenly thinking she is taller than she really is. It must have been the flip-flops that Mimi was wearing. Nope, Asuka is just really short.

Asuka mistakenly thinking she is stronger than she really is. She was surprised when she challenged Engerla to an arm wrestling match and realized she could be beaten easily. Since she worked out twice a week, the loss simply made no sense to her.

The way Engerla laughs - by breathing very deeply.

The way Engerla tries to catch her breath when she is tired - by pulling her shirt over her nose and breathing very deeply. I wonder what happens if she tries to laugh and catch her breath at the same time...

Nearing the end of yet another summer

2005-08-12T18:30:00.000-04:00

If the summer of 2004 was one of conflict, reflection, and growth, then the summer of 2005 shall be remembered as one of validation, serenity, and contentment. Looking back at my blog entries over the past year, it is easy to see the shift in my general attitude and outlook.

As incredible a life as I’ve had the great fortune of enjoying, I am eager awaiting what my future brings [while living and appreciating the present, of course]. It feels as though I’ve allowed myself to be taken downstream in an aimless canoe for the first two decades of my life. I finally learned how to use a paddle last year and have begun to explore the waters on my own terms this year.

By learning to love myself, I can leave my heart open to love and be loved. By being aware of my gifts and talents, I can value them and use them to heighten my life experiences. By seeing the kindness and thoughtfulness of those around me, I can appreciate them and reciprocate their sentiments. By learning about who I am, I can improve and better myself.

The sky is my limit. What’s yours?

Oh I have a personality all right

2005-08-09T01:36:00.000-04:00

To follow my tradition of writing quasi-unrelated introductory paragraphs, I’d like to announce that I had quite a pleasant Sunday. I spent 3 hours outdoors scrimmaging at volleyball practice and 1.5 hours in the evening playing a tight softball game that had us crawling back in the game for an exciting win at the bottom of the last inning. I also watched The Fantastic 4 and had dinner with my volleyball friends. As exciting and complete a day as it sounds [and it was], that was not the most enjoyable part of yesterday.

I am not a morning person [statements do not come any truer], which is probably what made yesterday morning that much more pleasant. The weather was nice enough in the late morning to enjoy a cup of latte outdoors. If that weren’t fun enough, I had that latte while writing a test [I am not being sarcastic].

However, I am being slightly deceiving. It was a personality profile test [from the book Personality Plus] that uses four main groups to categorize your disposition: sanguine, choleric, melancholy, and phlegmatic. Here is a brief overview of each group:
Sanguine (popular) – lift of joy in times of trouble, word of wit when we’re weighted down, touch of innocence in a jaded era, lift of humor when we’re heavy hearted, creativity and charm to colour a drab day
Choleric (powerful) – firm control when others are losing theirs, cut of decision for foggy minds, grip of leadership to head us to the good, confidence to hold true in the face of ridicule, independence to stand alone and be counted
Melancholy (perfect) – depth to see into the heart and soul of life, artistic nature to appreciate the beauty of the world, ability to analyze and arrive at the proper solution, desire to do all things decently and in order
Phlegmatic (peaceful) – patience to put up with provokers, ability to listen while others have their say, compassion to comfort those hurting, will to live in such a way that even your enemies can’t find anything bad to say about you

Most people would have at least a little bit of each personality and may dominate in one or two. To determine your make-up, there are lists of adjectives you have to choose from to determine which most accurately describe you. You can then match those adjectives to the personality groups and tally how many traits you possess in each of those groups. The test pegged me at 20% sanguine, 35% choleric, 25% melancholy, and 20% phlegmatic.

I knew that I would score highest under ‘choleric’ but was surprised that my traits were as evenly distributed as they are. I expected something more like 10% sanguine, 50% choleric, 30% melancholy, 10% phlegmatic. This was confirmed when I read how the book described each of those personalities. The book seemed to be talking about me exclusively in chapters on ‘choleric’ and ‘melancholy’ while I had difficulty relating to those on ‘sanguine’ and ‘phlegmatic’.

Being the goal-oriented choleric and chart/graph/figures-loving melancholy freak that I am, I made a table listing all the traits that applied to me under each of the four groups. I then subdivided them in two subgroups: “things I’m proud of” and “things I’d like to work on” [I warned you that I was a freak]. Looking at the list today, I realized why I scored the way I did. If I took the test five years ago, I would have probably been deemed 75% choleric. As counter-intuitive as it sounds, I think it is my deeply choleric character that pushed me to be so well rounded today [now there’s a self-pat-on-the-back]. Choleric people are very goal-oriented. They think they are usually right and don’t have any weaknesses. But if they are convinced that there is an area that needs improvement, they will spring to action to better themselves. At one point, I realized how dominant my choleric personality was and made it my goal to develop the other personalities. Evidence of that is the time and effort I purposely made to become more friendly, creative, balanced, happy, and easy-going [all part of a sanguine and phlegmatic personality] this past year because I knew I needed to improve.

What made the test more fun [and it is hard to do because there aren’t very many things I enjoy more than constructive criticism] was doing it with someone else and seeing whether other people see you the way you see yourself.

Death: BOO! Me: Ehhh

2005-07-26T18:22:00.000-04:00

A good test of how you feel about life is to give death a visit [put down the bottle of pills - that’s not what I mean]. At a friend’s suggestion, we took our afternoon stroll in a cemetery. I was initially shocked and disturbed by the idea. Unless you were there to pay respects to a loved one, who in their right mind would actually want to randomly walk around from headstone to headstone willingly, reading the etchings along the way?

Expecting a heavy air of gloom to overwhelm me as soon as I entered the site, I was pleasantly surprised by the sunrays that warmed my face and the peace and serenity that filled my heart. Instead of seeing death as absolute and final, I felt happiness at the very depth of my soul. It was the most peaceful moment I have ever experienced. I wanted it captured forever. What kind of freak finds joy at a cemetery?

Well, I’m that freak. It took me a few moments to realize what was going on. My opinion is that your view of death is reflective of your view of life...and beyond. Troublesome feelings will be magnified, as will happy ones. In my case, I do not fear death. I fear the physical pain that may be associated with the act of dying [please don't let me go by way of canker sores and stomach aches]. I will be saddened by the termination of my relationships with people when I pass away. But I do not fear death itself [I recognize that it's easy to say now]. It is simply the end of [what I hope to be] a remarkable run in the great adventure of life.

In the name of whose father?

2005-07-18T17:02:00.000-04:00

The simplest questions are the hardest to answer. There is one that pops up now and then: where does my faith lie? It is more complex than which god(s) I pray to or which service I attend. Does my faith even lie in a god?

Let me backtrack to 1990, when my mom decided to place my brother and I in a Catholic school rather than a public one. At the time, the board was not financially desperate enough to admit non-Catholics into their schools. This meant my brother and I had to be baptized [which we were right after my parents were remarried in front of God for the first time]. Being brought up by a non-Catholic mother and a non-practising-Catholic father did not exactly foster my spirituality. Looking back, I would only consider myself Catholic by certificate. Sure we had religion classes and I completed the sacraments introduced to us in elementary school. But then again, who didn’t [i.e. I can't remember anyone refusing First Communion]?

Religion as a whole is a great thing. It teaches its believers morality and instills in them good wholesome values. Whether God, heaven, hell, and reincarnation exist or not does not concern me very much. As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, all I try to do is to live out my life motto: Live for happiness. Live in love. Live with integrity. I plan to live as well as I can and whatever happens to me in the afterlife [something that I can’t control anyway] will take care of itself.

[Now that I’ve taken a short detour...let’s go back to reality, oops there goes gravity...]

So where then lies my faith? It may sound like a very simple, perhaps even unsatisfactory, answer [to a very simple question nonetheless] but my faith lies in the belief that if you lead a good life, you will be duly rewarded. [Here comes the circular logic] The reward is the good life that you will lead. By a good life, I mean one where you take the high road, make moral decisions, be a good citizen, help those in need, etc. Religion is a great tool to help you achieve that life. To this day, I still enjoy learning about the many parables scattered within the Bible. But my faith goes beyond religion. I still haven’t been able to wrap my head around the idea that our short time on earth destines us a place in either heaven or hell for eternity. And I say again: there’s no point in worrying about something out of my control. If that exists, I’m sure I will be taken care of one way or another if I lead a good life on earth. It’ll just be the cherry on top of an already delicious sundae [I hope I am not overly optimistic in hoping that I will either be cured of my lactose intolerance or that there exists lactose free sundaes in heaven].

Even though I didn’t sit down and give the question serious thought until today, I haven’t felt empty or lost in this sphere of my life [as I thought I would] because of two reasons. First, it isn’t a separate part of my life [it's right smack in the middle of my 3D Venn Diagram of spheres]. Second, even though where my faith lies was not articulated until now [done poorly and without a smudge of earth-shaterring insight if I may say so myself], it is the underlying principal by which I already try to live.

Leap of faith

2005-07-13T21:47:00.000-04:00

Eager for an opportunity
To make an unbound leap
Be it minute or significant
Unfazed by the risk of failure
Knowing that an opportunity or a lesson
Awaits me on the other side

- Stephanie Lau

1 – Poor, 2 – Below Average, 3 – Average, 4 – Above Average, 5 – Excellent

2005-07-06T17:11:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine is going through tumultuous times and speaking to her sparked a random question. If God decided to flood the earth, send armies of locusts, turn water into blood, or commit any Apocalypse-like events to end our existence right this minute, how would I fill out the question on the comment card at the Pearly Gates “What did you think of your stay on Earth”?

When it comes to my stay personally, I would have to give it a solid 5. I base my score on two factors: the circumstance / environment I was given and how well I was able to strive within it. No one can choose to be born in a poor village within a third world country any more or less than they can choose to be born in a wealthy family within a first world country. Nor could children make their parents love them and raise them properly. All we can do is deal with our environment the best we can. I am lucky enough to be part of a middle class family with loving parents who tried their best to raise me well. I was encouraged to try new things and we were able to afford those opportunities. But whatever situation we’re in, it is up to us to make the best of it. I haven’t had many roadblocks but the ones I did encounter, I put in the effort to learn the lessons and foster personal growth. If there were a nuclear holocaust right this minute, I would vaporize a happy person without regrets. I earned the 5 with some luck on my side.

When it comes to the state of the world, I would have to give it a dismal 1. This has to be put simply and bluntly – the world is messed up. How did we let it be run into the ground? Why are we sitting at home watching Jeremy Roenick inarticulately defend his multimillion-dollar salary on network television instead of getting up and helping turn things around? There is so much to be done...helping famished children in third world countries, stopping the War on “Terror”, raising social awareness, etc. Those who need help can’t help themselves and those who have the ability to help don’t want to help. How long can we survive like this?

Change the world, make it a better place for you and for me and the entire human race [and rats]

2005-06-30T23:41:00.000-04:00

I recently learned of a very interesting study [by word of mouth, so don’t freak out if I make mistakes]. For those of you who have taken sociology courses, why haven’t you shared this with me?!

A colony of rats was used to study the effects of overpopulation. Along with the birth of baby rats, scientists also introduced rats external to the colony at set time intervals. As the colony became increasingly crowded, abnormal behaviours were observed. The adult rats became less and less interested in procreation and engaged in sexual activities with their own sex...At this point of the story, I had to interrupt and ask a stupid question. How did the scientists know when a male rat was having intercourse with a male or female rat? Whenever two rats were getting busy, did the scientists have to pick them up and turn them over to check what gender they were by looking at the sex organs? Although it sounds like a poor excuse to interrupt a story, I just couldn’t figure out how they’d do it any other way [unless the spray painted all the females or males different colours]...Crime also became rampant. The adult rats would eat the baby rats and gang-bang each other.

Three things happened I heard the story. One, I was boggled by how the actions of our ‘intellectually superior’ specie can be so easily reduced to the animal behaviours studied in rats. Two, I felt very sorry for the poor rats for being subjected to that environment. Three, I felt no pity for ourselves.

Human life loses value as time passes. When did abandoning or killing newborn girls become common practice? How was the idea of placing a dollar value on human life for cost-benefit analysis made acceptable? Who rid us of our responsibility toward our senior citizens [Bush trying to eliminate Social Security]? What the mofo is going on?

Happiness will not work for minimum wage

2005-06-22T17:37:00.000-04:00

Do not mistake it for a lifelong goal
Wasting your precious mortality
Chasing the pot of gold at the rainbow’s end
Treat it instead as a way of life

Shed away the burdening layers
Of duty sworn to acquaintances
Of existential complacency
Free yourself within its infinite dimensions

Beware the falsity of blissful ignorance
Asking for no reciprocation
Providing merely hind-sighted contentment
Happiness is not a deserved given

- Stephanie Lau

I’m happy and I know it ~clap clap~

2005-06-16T17:36:00.000-04:00

[I hope this doesn’t make me sound conceited] I know I am happy because I do not wish to be anyone but me, anywhere but here, anytime but now. Bliss is freedom from envy [I can look in the mirror guarding the Philosopher’s Stone and see me just as I am].

The road is bound to be bumpy and it promises tough times ahead. For now, I just want to savour every drop of hilarity, every wisp of euphoria, and every moment of my life. I am truly grateful for how blessed I am. A lot of credit goes to my friends who make my time in this often tragic, sad, and difficult world so full of joy. It’s not just the company, the drinks [and sometimes vomit], the jokes, or the stories. It’s the lessons I learn. Seeing your special gifts makes me push myself to be more than I am.

It is probably difficult for you to see my sincere gratitude through the mean and sarcastic crust that is covering my sappy soul. So if you don’t already know it, I am very appreciative of your [tolerant] friendship and I want to give you a verbal hug [I know this is sappy to a point of nausea but try not to puke all over me...I prefer to be the puker, not the pukee].

Making Love Outta Nothing At All

2005-06-15T17:11:00.000-04:00

Now maybe, just maybe two blogs with references to Air Supply are two too many. But upon hearing of their upcoming appearance at Rama in August, I came down hard with Air Supply fever [who wants to go to the concert with me?] and the only way to get rid of it is to blog about it.

Even though their voices are angelic, it is the lyrics that gets me all hot and bothered [is that disturbing?]. They sing of true, great, wholesome, pure, and absolute love. As entertaining as Usher is with his songs about cheating and sex [there are some choice phrases in “That’s what it’s made for” that will make anyone squirm], it will only be just that – entertaining. Air Supply's songs make you think of happier times, yearn for better things, and treasure your moments with your significant other

You can’t really do the Thunderclap or the A-Town stomp to Air Supply's songs, but I sure as hell will try at their concert.

Brain Fart

2005-06-13T22:38:00.000-04:00

I am more today than I thought I could ever be. I'm pissing my pants thinking what I could be tomorrow [other than a bed-wetter].

A far-stretched excuse for my lack of cooking skills...

2005-05-26T18:46:00.000-04:00

Our increasingly progressive thinking has raised our “tolerance” level of many things that were unthinkable just mere years ago. Issues such as female ministers, legal gay marriages, and medicinal use of marijuana aren’t the hot topics they used to be. As liberal as we try to be, however, we’re still prudish about househusbands and successful businesswomen.

It is puzzling to me how male and female stereotypes can last as long as they have without being continuously fundamentally questioned at a large scale [I say continuously because there were movements to promote and establish presence in the workforce and female voting]. Children are taught at an early age that racial profiling is not an acceptable practice since people are equals. What they really mean is that all races are equals because there is certainly a large population of people who doesn't think this applies to sexes.

How can accepting the idea of stay at home dads and female heads of the family be so difficult? It’s unfortunate that strong and competitive women are considered butch and paternal and caring men are considered weak. Isn’t it a good sign that people are so much more balanced now?

Brain Fart

2005-05-26T18:45:00.000-04:00

Arrogance is bad enough, but not nearly as bad as insincere modesty. It’s a demeaning and thinly disguised case of patronizing arrogance.

Let me tell you about the birds and the bees

2005-05-25T20:11:00.000-04:00

Following tradition, I started to write a poem when I felt electrifying flashes of inspiration during my trip out to Vancouver this past weekend. Even though my blog entries are normally left for incoherent rants, my meager vocabulary and limited exposure to real poetry stunted my ability to do the poem any justice [my “Inspiration: An Ode to Capilano and Whistler” was not even close to cutting it]. So into the crapper it goes as I relieve myself yet again of a case of verbal diarrhea.

Toronto is my beloved home. I had absolutely no desire to live in any other city [San Francisco was a distant second with London close behind]. After spending a short few days touristing the Vancouver area, I fell in love with the city. I was in constant admiration at how beautiful it is. Its mountain backdrops and ocean views were breathtaking. Plentiful trees, fresh air, and superior infrastructure added to its allure. For the first time in my life, I can imagine living in a city other than Toronto. Although this wasn’t a life-changing experience, it was significant. With my company’s plan to relocate last fall [although it didn’t affect me], I adamantly confirmed with myself that I will forever be a Toronto girl. Now, I’m willing to open myself up to a whole slew of possibilities.

Vancouver is indeed the most beautiful city I’ve visited [so much so that I thought it deserved an ode]. It’s hard for a Torontonian to comprehend how easily you can escape from the city and scurry along to Mother Nature with a short drive. Walking around the top of Whistler and walking among treetops in Capilano were serene experiences. Never before have I been inspired by nature. Its beauty was overwhelming and there was nothing you can do but allow yourself to be enveloped. While I was at Capilano, I wanted badly to sit against a tree and write to my heart’s content [I was much too underdressed to want to do that at Whistler]. That would be a delightful pleasure in life that I hope I would one day have the chance to indulge in.

Before this trip, my inspiration came solely from the strength of people and our ability to overcome arduous obstacles. Interestingly, I’ve learned to be inspired by nature because it shows how utterly helpless and inferior we are.

Everyone needs to get slapped around now and then

2005-05-12T17:50:00.000-04:00

Half the time, we’re not even aware that life is happening. We mindlessly go through the daily motions and routines, letting our dreams and ambitions ooze down the drain. But once in a while, life gives us a b*tch-slap. Sometimes they feel good. Other times...not so much. Either way, it wakes us up.

So I got slapped yesterday during the Rotman welcome advising session. Talking to my future classmates and watching the presentation made me realize that what has always been “something I’m going to do” is fast becoming “something that’s happening now”. It was surreal for me to acknowledge the fact that I am going to start my MBA in three months. I have to apply for loans, shop for a laptop, but worst of all – get myself mentally ready to accept the next phase of my life. This is not just goofy undergraduate classes and tutorials anymore. This is real life [it's also something that will put me unbelievably deep in debt - enough to buy a new Inifiniti M series]. After the two short years, I’ll be launched into the real world – one full of trials, bills, and stress [with what I hope to be at least intermittent periods of happiness].

Needless to say, that was not an enjoyable slap but one that I badly needed. It reminded me to take advantage of my last three months of freedom before I enter quasi-adulthood [I don't think I'm ready for the real thing yet]. Now that I think about it, I’m glad I stretched myself so thinly with all the activities and going-on's this summer. It may be my last chance to do so.

My tossed salad is melting in the pot

2005-05-09T18:11:00.000-04:00

I'm not exactly a cultural cornucopia...more of a dipped vanilla cone really. Damn that sounds boring.

There was a specific time early in my teenage years when I defiantly turned my back on my culture. Back then, I was already fairly well integrated in the Canadian environment after having moved here for a few years. It seemed as though I couldn’t shake the stereotypes of the Chinese culture – not that others applied them to me, but that I applied them to others. I could not stand being associated to the loud, obnoxious, and rude Chinese population.

Since then, I’ve remained stubbornly conformed to the North American culture. The only thing I do regret is losing the Cantonese language. The tattered remnants of my familiarity with the Chinese culture will suffice for the time being. I am actually more interested in learning, through travel, about cultures other than my own. Perhaps 24 years from now [assuming I’ll still be blogging], I may write about how much I regret not keeping in touch with my roots. Until then, I want to see the world, eh.

When I melt, all is good

2005-04-22T18:37:00.000-04:00

Give it a few minutes, and girl talk will lead to boys boys boys. Once in a while, someone will blurt out the age old question So, what do you look for in a guy?

Most of us probably have stock answers written on the back of our hands by now. It seems kind of silly because it would be impossible to find someone with the traits we mention and kick start a relationship with them. The answers are always the same anyway - I want someone who is funny, kind, smart, cute...

Instead, maybe we should be asking what do you want from a relationship? Although it is only a spin of the original question, it is at least something that we have 50% responsibility and control over.

In no particular order, some of my answers are:
- true love
- fierce loyalty
- open honesty
- electric attraction
- hopeless romance
- dizzying fun
- personal and mutual growth
- butterflies in my stomach
- for my heart to be touched the way Air Supply does (hahaha)

To be honest [as I always am], I created a blog just so I can confess that listening to Air Supply makes me melt.

I think I almost wet my pants

2005-04-17T11:18:00.000-04:00

This is a white-knuckled-childlike-giddy-pants-wetting heck of an exciting time in life. Change is happening so quickly that we can hardly catch up with our own progress. Maybe it’s because our maturity is going through a growth spurt or that our minds are developing another dimension, but it feels like the world is a playground for people our age and I almost wet my pants just thinking about how fun this is.

We’ve spent the last 20 years or so in school developing our young minds. We learned about how things worked in science and how things came to be in history. Now, instead of nurturing our intellect, it’s time to turn our attention to our spirits – our being - whatever works for you. It’s time for us to figure out what matters to us and how we can dive ourselves into those things with open hearts.

Good freaking times. Brlaaaaaaatz.

No pain, no gain, no thanks.

2005-04-11T19:57:00.000-04:00

I suppose you can judge a society by the mindset of its constituents. So what does it say about our society when we boast [rather than complain] about how little we sleep, how much overtime we put in, and how little time we spend with our family? This would nearly bring a tear to my eye if we weren’t so damn self-destructive. How do we let ourselves repeatedly fall on our own swords like bumbling dimwits?

An “easy solution” would be to blame the society. But easy – yes, solution – no. If we weren’t darn exhausted from working so hard, we would see that, as constituents of the society, we control it. By definition, it cannot exist without us. Unfortunately, we don’t take the time to look around and see how we’re letting our lives pass us by.

You can call me lazy. You can brand me a fool. But I still say to you that we have to take a united stand. With the spread of globalization, this will only get worse. This “no pain, no gain” culture will spread like wildfire. We have to see that what’s actually happening is “all pain, no gain”. I cannot function in an all work and no play environment. I want to be able to boast about seeing my kids grow up, writing a book, travelling the world, and winning curling championships with pride and I fully intend on doing so.

With This I Wash My Hands

2005-03-27T20:38:00.000-05:00

By the tens, hundreds, and thousands
They are sent to slaughter
The torture a slow process
Squeezing out individuality

They blah and they bleat
But making no attempt to revolt
Reality slips from their reach
Accepting pain as their routine

A few black sheep manage
To break free and live
The others look on with no yearning
Casting dirty looks instead

Without hope, desire, or will to live
They look on with blank stares
Too blinded to see
The blood on their hands

- Stephanie Lau